Monday, August 24, 2009

Just thinking.

I need a bloggy break.

I began this blog as a fun outlet, but I find myself editing and censoring myself... not that I have a lot of that to do, but I feel like I can't be my true self.

I've been thinking of stopping this blog. It's not very fun for me anymore, and I think it's because I feel uncomfortable sharing myself with an online community that has shown itself as so unkind to so many other people. Nothing really negative has happened to me, but it has made me put up a guard and I don't like it. I feel as though I'm trying to be somebody I'm not, just so other people won't judge me. Though I've made several friends through this blog, it's been a struggle to put myself out there. There are still people who I'd rather not know about this blog or read it, either. I know that sounds weird. It is. I can't help it. I'm sick of being judged for who I am.

I don't like feeling like I have to hide what I think. I'll keep thinking about it, but for now, I need a break.

Maybe I'll come back, braver than ever, and I'll let everyone I know read my blog. Maybe I'll delete it all. I don't know. Thanks for being my friend.


Micaela said...

i know i don't know you personally and i've only commented here and there but i read you all the time. I can't tell you how many times your thoughts are what i wish i could say out loud.

i hurt someone with my blog today and i feel terrible. foolish actually. who knew? i never speak ill of anyone or bad about anyone (not even the ex that broke my heart)... but somehow i did just that today.

it's a long story, but the joy i had for my blog was taken back a bit.

you said this sounded weird: "There are still people who I'd rather not know about this blog or read it, either."

Nope it doesn't, because that's how i feel now. Who will google me next and find my ramblings? do i want them to? ...

take a break. but come back braver please.

thanks for being my friend.

Amy said...

I will miss you.

7upkels said...

i have to say that lately i have been feeling the same way (although, isn't that what i usually say whenever i stop by here :)
anyway - i hope that you decide to stay, maybe taking a break will help, but your blog always makes me feel like i can totally relate with someone or something.
if you leave, you will be missed!

kitchendoor said...


Ok thanks good talk.

And if you do wind up going I'd love for you to drop me an email sometime? I'm at I so, so look forward to hearing what you have to say.


Adrienne Hansen said...

can we still talk sometimes? please?

ok. thanks. and thanks for watching jimmy. he loves you.