I don't think

this looks like two dogs who miss their owners.

What the crap, dogs? 

I just watched

Kid History on youtube.  4 episodes.  I think the laughing is going to send me into really early labor, so I had to stop. 

But now the babies are having a Cinco de Mayo celebration in there, so I guess they must be alright.

I feel as though I should be updating more often, but there are details I'd like to keep to myself (we all know you don't want to know about stretch marks--their presence or lack thereof, plus other things) so I never really know what to share.

I have an ultrasound and appointment on Friday morning at 7 a.m.  I have no idea what I was smoking when I thought I could do that, but do it I will.  Even if it kills me.  (It might.)  Then, Saturday I have a baby shower!  I'm excited! 

I've noticed that I haven't really had people/strangers touching me, but then I realized it's probably because I honestly don't go that many places/do that many things outside of work.  I guess I don't have the energy, plus it's winter, PLUS I love staying home, so all those things combined kind of make it easy for me to not get a lot of feedback from strangers.  However, even in my regular workplaces, people (and kids) are beginning to stare at my belly.  I guess it's getting big.  I don't really know because I'm around me all day, every day. 

Today, I got some maternity shirts in the mail!  It's a miracle because my clothes are not really fitting.  Even my maternity jeans are starting to hurt a bit... I told my housband just today that the girls might come out with cone heads after being squished by my maternity jean waistbands.  I wish they had maternity socks--or, socks made for pregnant women to make it easier to get them on independently.  Is that a thing?  Can we make that a thing?  I think that should be a thing.  I got these awesome boots for Christmas, but I had to retire them as of mid-January because I can no longer pull them on by myself.  So, I guess I'll look forward to wearing those next winter.

Lastly, Bert has recently decided he's tired much earlier than the rest of us.  He puts himself to bed on our bed at least an hour earlier than we get there, unless we're all downstairs watching a movie.  Then he sits on my legs and gets up and down about 45 times a minute, which is really annoying.  Anyway, several times this week I've gone into our room to discover Bert totally out on the bed.  He acts so disgruntled when I have to wake him up to get him on his own dog bed, though. 

Happiness really is a warm puppy.  A warm puppy with a home haircut.

Besides all that, I'm doing really well and I honestly can't complain too much.  Simple things are getting harder to do, but I feel quite blessed because I'm still functioning and working and able to move around pretty well.  I've been having a bunch of contractions but I'm not too worried about them at this point, mostly because I know what to watch out for to know it's the real thing.  I honestly think the worst part of being pregnant has been those bug bites (which I wrote about here).*  Tomorrow I'll be 31 weeks... not too much longer and we're going to have TWO little girlies in our house to liven things up!

Because I'm boring. 

P.S.  For Valentine's Day, we watched Breaking Dawn.  No, mom, I didn't have any seizures at the blinking lights.  Though I covered my eyes... just in case.  Also?  Who knew plain granola was so tasty?  Just wondering.  Completely unrelated.



*I never followed up about those bites, by the way.  I don't think they were flea bites or bed bugs... both the housband and I believe they were spider bites because I ended up having to go on an antibiotic--an antibiotic which smelled horrible and tasted the same, and ended up being the worst part about my Christmas and break from work because they were like the smell of Yellowstone in a tiny bottle--due to a pretty nasty infection.  I wasn't too happy about that, but they were pretty scary looking, and I sort of like my leg/skin/children/life.

Life and all about it, lately.

I've been kind of a bad blogger, but truth be told, I feel ok about it, mostly because posting from my mobile telephone isn't the most pleasant experience.  (Because we don't have internet at home.) (And just got rid of cable television.)  (Hello, Siberia, it's nice to live here.)

But then I remember that I'll want to remember the ins and outs of life before we have two kids (holy cow, that still seems weird to me) and life will be totally different.

So, lately, we're watching a lot of movies.  We opted out of TV for budgetary reasons, but I've actually not really minded not having it.

Our heat went out about a week ago, and therefore I'm so SO grateful for a now-working furnace.  This has actually happened to us twice before in our current apartment, and the last time, it was the middle of winter.  We have two space heaters already, lucky for us, but they're not ideal--better that than nothing, though, because it's cold.  Our landlord called a guy and said it was a 5-minute fix; I guess there was a piece of plastic caught in it somewhere that made it not work properly?  I'm not completely sure, but after being admittedly quite grumpy since being pregnant, I was not too happy until I came home for lunch one day and there was heat.

Also fun:  I have some sort of weird bug bites on my leg.  I saw my doctor and a dermatologist last week and they're going away, but they've been here for 2-or-so weeks.  I debated writing about this at all here, but since I've completely stopped writing in my journal for now and, sad to say, this is the closest thing I have to a journal, I kinda want to remember the funny little things that seem to happen to me and NEVER ever not once to my housband--I guess I'm glad he's healthy.  (Sort of like how last winter I got a cough which may have cracked a rib, several colds in a row, bacterial laryngitis, then another cold with an ear infection--and he got nothing.  All winter.)  Anyway, the dermatologist thinks they're flea bites, but after having my dogs checked out and finding they're flea-free, I'm thinking they're probably not.  I originally thought they were hives due to being pretty stressed out about being my brother's wedding photographer/flying to San Francisco/flying while pregnant with twins, but they are not hives either!  So weird.

Oh yeah.  I went to San Francisco.  I've never been there before and didn't see too much of it, but it was absolutely beautiful, and I forgot what Utah winter was like, only to be rudely reminded upon leaving the airport in Salt Lake.  All of my siblings were at my brother's wedding, all of us in the Temple, but none of our spouses/kids came (except for my kids, I don't really have a choice right now).  It was a little weird without the hubbub of everyone, but strangely natural.  I kinda like those guys.  Their husbands/wives/kids are pretty cool, too, and I missed them.  But it was kind of cool to have the original 5 of us together.

I have a new photography website coming up, and I honestly think all my brain power is being swallowed by babies because I'm having the most difficult time of figuring out the most simple things, so it might be a little bit before I can get it up and going.  My photo blog is still kind of a thing, but again... no internet at home... kinda hard. 

Lastly, I'll leave you with two photos of my buddies.

Here's my housband holding the dogs (who were flailing wildly).  I'd like to say he doesn't carry the giant one around, but he kind of does.  (Don't tell him I told you.)  Also, he decided he and Bert are best friends around Thanksgiving, and Bert promptly forgot I existed and refused to acknowledge me at all.  So now Pedro* has begun to ignore Bert once again, and Bert likes me once more.  I'd be lying if I said I don't worry our kids will do the same.  (I semi-secretly wonder why everybody loves Pedro and thinks I'm boring?  Yeah Pedro's fun and all, children, adults, animals and everyone in between.  BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?)

(*Again, not his real name, it just gets difficult to not call my housband by a name, ok?)

And when we ride in the car, Bagheera gets tired and Bert decides to sit on him.  I don't know why.  Perhaps for a better view out the window?  Possibly.  The dog's not the brightest, but sometimes I wonder if he just acts dumb but secretly knows a lot of stuff.  Could be.

I'm about 18-19 weeks right now, and feeling pretty good.  I recently got a different kind of prenatal vitamins, but I think I'll switch back because these ones are making more nauseous than I've been the whole time I've been pregnant.  Oh, and about the 18-19 weeks thing?  I originally based how far along I am on the first-day-of-my-last-period thing, but then my doctor gave me a different due date, which is almost a week later than I originally thought, so I don't know which I am, really.  I generally think I'm 19 weeks (because twins come early, most often).  Is that weird?  Do you see how my brain is not working?

This is such a long blog post.  I'm so sorry about that.

Once upon a time,

I didn't have internet at home for three years.  And then one day, MAGIC!  Some magical, un-intending neighbor shared it with me and my humble abode.  It was paradise, especially when my spouse lived a state away and I needed something with which to fill my time for a summer.

And then those neighbors moved.

And all those in the land weeped and wailed.

Or just watched more TV.

So I haven't been blogging.  But.  I have been doing other important things, which I will soon tell you about, but I don't want this to be like OH HEY GUYS, I ONLY COME HERE WHEN THINGS ARE EXCITING!  Because, hey, life's exciting, you know?

For example:  my dog, Bert (aka Bird, Berty, Birdy, Bewt, etc.) got this awesome haircut earlier in the summer.  I wrote about it here, remember?  Coincidentally, that post started the same way as this post, and I didn't even plan it!  How serendipitous! Anyway, Bert's mohawk began to grow out, and I thought he looked dumb with a part down the center of his head--he's not that homely.  So I gave him a headcut, which is also known as a haircut just on his head (and his bum!  I know you're concerned about his bum, but you shouldn't be... I'm watching out for that bum and trim it, so he leads a very comfortable life).

And the moral of the story is, now my dog and I have the same stupid home haircut.  I think he pulls it off better than I do.  I would show you, but I'm not at home with him, and secondly, I don't like posting a lot of photos of myself.  It feels weird to me, and I know some bloggers do it but no thanks for me.  For now.  Especially since I didn't wash my hair today, thanks to dry shampoo, and I feel especially homely.

The second moral of the story is that I have been cutting my hair for nearly a year now, and do you know what happens when you cut your own hair for a year, especially when you don't have a license in that sort of thing?  Your hair doesn't grow out because honestly, you have no idea what you're doing.  So you chop and fix and snip here and there, and suddenly, you've got much less hair than when you started. 

So I'm looking into maybe doing something about that here soon, and also, putting away the scissors. 

Lastly, I have a lot of flowers left over from this summer that I made.  I listed several on my etsy shop, so if you're interested, stop by!  They're just hanging out at my house, hoping for a new home that's more exciting than mine.  They do, in fact, have feelings.  You can check out the few I have listed right over here:  http://www.etsy.com/shop/ashgphoto.

Ok I lied, THIS is the last thing:  I have a new photography website in the works.  My old url goes to nothing, but fear not!  I do have one lined up, I'm just waiting on a new logo and I have a few other finishing touches to go before it'll be live. 

Oh, and we sold our car and bought a new one. 

So... I suppose life is a little exciting right now. 

Once upon a time,

Bert got shaved.  It was Monday.  It was awesome.  He looks so weird to me.


Before:

 

ANNNNNND after:

I guess he no longer looks homeless, so that's a plus.  (He was, actually, homeless.  He came into the humane society as a stray and then I adopted him all swift-like.)  I kind of like the homeless look--I tend to rock it myself.

Anyway, now he's good-looking and better dressed than me.  So.

OH!  And then, Tuesday morning, I took both dogs out to do their business.  At which time, Bagheera peed on Bert, and I had to bathe him.  BONUS!

Bagsy Blue Co. makes....

wall flowers!  I made these for my wall, to try them out... and I kinda love them.  I'm going to be making more and putting them in the shop soon, so keep checking back.

PLUS, I have awesome dog models.  I didn't make them get in the photos, but they did anyway.  Bert is sporting a sweet bark collar because we live in an apartment, and he growls at dust particles.  I'd like to keep him, so therefore, the bark collar.  (It doesn't hurt him.) (He always knows when it's on so he's a suspiciously perfect little gentleman when it's on.  But when it's off...... naughty.)

Tonight,

I took my dogs for a bike ride.  Dogs.  Plural.  Previous to this weekend, I'd never done that before--taken both.  And it was interesting, yet not horrible. 

On bike rides, they both run alongside my bike.  I usually have one on each side, so I pretty much block the entire road.  Except I try to be conscientious... I swear I'm not self-absorbed enough to think everyone should yield to me.  Then I figured out how to get them to be good with both on one side, so that was great.

Anyway, as I was watching Bert bop around, getting kind of slow yet still SO MIRACULOUSLY bouncy, I thought:  if he were a girl dog, I'd have named him Stephanie.  He just SEEMS like a Stephanie. (And the fact that the thought just popped into my head was really funny at the moment.  It felt so natural!  But funny all the same!)

I also took them both to the fairgrounds and tossed around a tennis ball while they chased each other.  I had this completely surreal moment of absolute joy:  that was exactly where I'd want to be, given the choice of anywhere in the world, in that moment.  Spending time with my dogs, chucking a ball, the golden sun shining heavy shadows on the lawn the trees.  It was perfect.  But then I felt sorry, because I also thought of all the other things I could/should be doing, and realized how much I need to calm down and let myself be in the present.  It's a work in progress, that's for sure. 

About a block before home, we passed the dog park, and Bert stops to a near-crawl every time.  So I picked him up, and he yelped like I was stabbing him to death--he had shots yesterday, and I must have hurt him in the spot where they poked him.  So I put him down and we kept going.  But THEN he was really just too slow, so I picked him up (carefully), put him in my basket, strapped him down (oh yeah, did I ever tell you about the time he was strapped down in a complicated leash hold in the basket and he STILL JUMPED OUT?  WHILE I WAS MOVING? AND HE DANGLED FROM THE SIDE OF MY BASKET?), so I strapped him down REAL good and finished the ride with Bagsy sprinting beside me.

All this after a guy who saw me with them said, "Looks like you're having fun."  And then as I was turning the corner, "That's the funniest thing I've EVER seen." And he laughed and laughed and laughed.

So, I guess it's kinda funny that I take them both on rides.  But until I find a better way to wear them both out real good, this is my method.

Things, or something like that, about today

I have some good news, and I have some bad news.

The good news is that it snowed last night.  I don't completely hate snow!  Also, I enjoy the Christmas-y feelings it gives me.  The truth is, I don't hate snow... I hate driving in it.  A completely huge difference... right?

The bad news is that Bert ran away this morning, came back, and then he had to eat his breakfast in his cage because HE. IS. A. BAD. DOG.  (Sometimes.  He's learning.)

And then while I got ready, Bagheera sat, quietly, and I remember what it was like to have one dog.  It was like the heavens opened and angels sang about what a miracle it is to have one dog who is brilliantly obedient...... but then I remembered Bert and his little brown eyes, and subsequently forgot all about it.

Bert is an awesome lap-warmer.

My dogs, resting their heads on the same pillow.  So cute I could squish them both.

Also.  I have something seriously wrong with my right-side ribs.  So that's also bad news.  Life is really punching me in the throat this last month-or-so, health-wise.  I think I coughed a crack right into my ribs. (I don't really know what's going on, but it hurts when I breathe and cough and generally move.)

So, that's my average Wednesday.  Oh, and I'd also like to point out that I had to go look for Bert this morning in my sleeping shorts, my black wellies, and my pink pea coat.  And, oh, you know, my hair which stuck straight up (and when I saw my reflection I thought I didn't know I could look like such a fine cockatoo).

This is not to mention last week, when I took the dogs out one morning in my fluffy pink robe, my wellies, and a towel on my head--to the community lawn area.  The same neighbors keep seeing me like this every morning and all I can do nowadays is shrug and pretend I don't see them.  If I can't see them, they can't see me.................. right?

Life and things about it.

So I have this little dog.  I think you know him.  His name's Bert. 

Bert is not particularly trustworthy.  In fact, he gets into my bathroom garbage (and all that it entails).  He runs away to have a great time by himself around our apartment complex--unless I have the unfortunate shock collar on him, at which time he'll act like a perfect, yet nervous, gentleman. 

Thing is, I'm a huge HUGE sucker for Bert.  Nights he runs away and doesn't come back when I call and call (and call) his name, I shut the back door, put my boots and coat on, and head out the front door, because inevitably, he will be out front, sniffing parking spots and the grass in our common area or places where other dogs have marked. 

And every time he sees me, he looks so genuinely delighted.  As if he thinks, "Oh!  It's you!  I was having a great time but I suppose I'll come in now."  Until he sees my expression.  And then he sits because he's afraid.

I feel bad when he's afraid.  BUT what choice do I have?  We got him from the shelter because he was a stray.  Clearly not a stray for long... he was very clearly someone's pet that probably just got away.  And yet, they never looked for him or reported him missing.  So there's that.  I keep expecting to find a puppy pancake out in the parking lot or on the busy road by which we live.

Don't worry, Bert gets a semi-annual (or something like that) bang and bum trim.  I'm sure you wanted to know that.  Also, I have never cut him, so that's good I guess.

And then there's the kids with whom I work.  I have to tell you something:  they're teaching me more about the world than I could have ever thought possible.  I love working with them; they teach me, a lot of times, smaller versions of my life's problems, and that I need to chill out.  (Your shoes don't feel good on your feet?  Have a freak out.  Which is very similar to my big kid version, which is:  Having no money doesn't feel good in my life?  Have a freak out.  See, we all just need to calm down.)  Thing is, they're so giving and sharing and quick to forgive and forget... I feel like a better person every day just having been around them.  And doing art projects with 3-, 4-, and 5- year-olds is kind of awesome.

I have a lot of things I can tell you about each and every single kid, which I think I will.  I want to remember this job and the joy it brings me. 

It's warmer here than it was in November.  Also, the snow is melting.  It's really strange, but I don't want to complain, lest the weather rear its ugly head. 

And that is my life, today, in a nutshell.  See you 'round the building.

Walking

Last night, we went for a walk with our dogs.

We found a HUGE pile of wood chips--probably 20 feet tall--in a parking lot near our apartment.

So, naturally, we climbed it, let our dogs climb it, and slid down.

It was sort of romantic in the dark, worrying a little about getting caught but doing it anyway, the orange street lights giving just enough light.  Bagheera wouldn't go to the top until someone did before him, and Bert wasn't interested until I was at the top, which made him freak out and and run up the side of our wood chip mountain.  (Bert loves me and I love that.)  My housband didn't make it to the top, but mostly just because he didn't try.

We continued on with our walk, on which we saw horses, people, a giant dirt mountain, a bonfire, and a neighbor who asked to pet our pups.


Then I found wood chips in my underwear (!!), behind my knees (I was wearing long johns, which in itself is an entirely different story), and in my shoes all night.

And yet, it was completely worth it.

Last night,

I ran over Bert with my bike.  Don't worry--I didn't do it on purpose, and he's just fine.  Nonetheless, it scared the crap out of me and I'm still traumatized.  I think, however, he is fine--he was hopping around like nothing happened directly after THE INCIDENT. 

August is well on its way, and every year I'm surprised by how pleasant it actually is, because for a few years it was less than ideal.  Probably because it's hot and school is beginning (and now without me in it), and there's not a lot to which I can look forward. 

But I've noticed something since being out of school; life is a bit more steady and has fewer ups and downs in the sense that I know, generally, what my days will be like.  Plus, I can make a lot more plans and actually follow through with them.  The other day, I wanted to work on a certain art project and I thought, why not now?  So I did it.  Then I was at Bear Lake the other day and I wanted to go deeper, so I left Bagheera with my husband (Bert was already drying off) and went deeper, catching waves and letting them carry me closer to shore with each pull.  I suppose that was sort of unrelated, but I think I've had a better attitude since getting a feel for my free time.

I'm feeling a lot of carpe diem feelings lately, and I quite like it.  Perhaps I'll start doing yoga or something.  (Truthfully, it sounds great in theory, but I can't seem to get the breathing and stretching in sync... Coordination isn't my forte.)  I've had numerous dreams lately about getting back into tennis-playing shape, so maybe I'll do that. 

And if nothing else, the sky is a wonderful blue lately, I've taken lots of photos, I drive around with the windows down, the grass is extra green, and I have two dogs and a husband. 

So, life is good. 

Apparently, mosquitoes love my feet.

Also, this is my newest friend.  His name is Bert.  He is hilarious, and also has these little eyes that melt me.  Plus he is so happy.

And you already know this dude. He's still pretty great.

So, the thing about photography for me lately is that it comes with a LOT of rejection.  Most of which I was generally not prepared for when I decided to do this.  I go through ups and downs because it's hard to get business these days when the market is so saturated... and then I take it personally.  (When I shouldn't, I know I shouldn't, but we all know I overthink things.)  This is not to say that everyone's going to bad photographers or I'm better than anyone else, because that's completely false.  The problem is that there are so many good photographers, and so many who sell themselves short--especially pricing wise--but that's another post entirely.  It's kind of crazy. 

Anyway, I go through weird cycles of being lonely and feeling sort of inept to having so much joy I don't know how to contain it.  I guess I can say I have been extremely happy shooting film--it's so much less work, more of the fun stuff (ie taking the photos), and I actually get to spend time with my husband and dog(s) rather than my computer.  It costs money, but time is money in a way, isn't it?  There's a reason why that's a cliche.

This summer's almost over and I don't feel ready for it to end.  I'm never quite ready to stare winter in the face, mostly because it's been particularly difficult since graduating college and being a "grown up."  I'm outside far less, and I think one of my greatest happinesses is just BEING outside.  I don't even care to do anything out there... I just like to be outside.  Staring through a window isn't quite the same.

Life sort of feels as though it's in fast forward lately, and as much as I want to say I'm prepared for it, I don't know that I am.  The things I hold most true to are still the same:  my husband, my family, finding and keeping happiness, figuring out ways to be most happy, reexamining my beliefs and finding ways to grow them.  Some guy at the dog park was talking about certain people in Africa whose IQ's are around the 70s range (which is to say, really low).  And I caught myself thinking, so what?  If they're happy then so what?  Sometimes I wish I knew less of the world. It often frightens me because it's so huge and out of control and at the same time, everything is so beautiful in a sad way.  I try not to think about it too much... it makes my head feel dizzy independently of my body.

I feel like I write a lot of tangential posts lately... I've been stuck in my head a lot. This is all to say, I am now accepting applications for a female best friend position.  My other best friends are A).  across the country (that goes for two of them) or B).  too busy doing their own thing or C). I am married to them (which is ok but it's nice to have female companionship).  Any takers?