Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Apparently, mosquitoes love my feet.

Also, this is my newest friend.  His name is Bert.  He is hilarious, and also has these little eyes that melt me.  Plus he is so happy.



And you already know this dude. He's still pretty great.



So, the thing about photography for me lately is that it comes with a LOT of rejection.  Most of which I was generally not prepared for when I decided to do this.  I go through ups and downs because it's hard to get business these days when the market is so saturated... and then I take it personally.  (When I shouldn't, I know I shouldn't, but we all know I overthink things.)  This is not to say that everyone's going to bad photographers or I'm better than anyone else, because that's completely false.  The problem is that there are so many good photographers, and so many who sell themselves short--especially pricing wise--but that's another post entirely.  It's kind of crazy. 

Anyway, I go through weird cycles of being lonely and feeling sort of inept to having so much joy I don't know how to contain it.  I guess I can say I have been extremely happy shooting film--it's so much less work, more of the fun stuff (ie taking the photos), and I actually get to spend time with my husband and dog(s) rather than my computer.  It costs money, but time is money in a way, isn't it?  There's a reason why that's a cliche.

This summer's almost over and I don't feel ready for it to end.  I'm never quite ready to stare winter in the face, mostly because it's been particularly difficult since graduating college and being a "grown up."  I'm outside far less, and I think one of my greatest happinesses is just BEING outside.  I don't even care to do anything out there... I just like to be outside.  Staring through a window isn't quite the same.

Life sort of feels as though it's in fast forward lately, and as much as I want to say I'm prepared for it, I don't know that I am.  The things I hold most true to are still the same:  my husband, my family, finding and keeping happiness, figuring out ways to be most happy, reexamining my beliefs and finding ways to grow them.  Some guy at the dog park was talking about certain people in Africa whose IQ's are around the 70s range (which is to say, really low).  And I caught myself thinking, so what?  If they're happy then so what?  Sometimes I wish I knew less of the world. It often frightens me because it's so huge and out of control and at the same time, everything is so beautiful in a sad way.  I try not to think about it too much... it makes my head feel dizzy independently of my body.

I feel like I write a lot of tangential posts lately... I've been stuck in my head a lot. This is all to say, I am now accepting applications for a female best friend position.  My other best friends are A).  across the country (that goes for two of them) or B).  too busy doing their own thing or C). I am married to them (which is ok but it's nice to have female companionship).  Any takers?

2 comments:

kitchendoor said...

I'll apply! I have good references. Sadly, I am also across the country.

Everything you say about photography is always exactly how I feel about writing. And everything you said about going through weird cycles of happiness is exactly how I feel about life.

Adrienne Hansen said...

Hi. Where do I send my application? Also, Jaden would like to apply. Ummm...he's not female, but he cries a lot like girls do.