Not really, but sometimes I feel like it.
I get frustrated so easily some days, sitting at my computer desk and wishing to be able to be part of the world outside my window instead of sitting on my leathery seat.
To get out of these pre-winter blues, this is what I've been thinking (trying to be positive):
- Today, I've been looking at graduate school programs when I've had a minute. I don't know what I want to study, but I have a few ideas. I get excited thinking about going back to school. However, there are times when I think I don't want to go back, but it's always a possibility.
- I really like that my apartment has a lot of different smells. Sometimes it's bad, but a lot of times it isn't. I especially like the way the bathroom smells: shampoo-ey, soapy, fresh. Even when it's not that clean!
- I like burning candles. We burn the candles from our wedding all the time--they're almost burned down to the wick. I bought Christmas ones already, and I'm excited to burn those, too.
- I really like birthdays. I am really excited for Christmas. (We need to buy a tree! And some lights! And some lights for outside!)
- I dislike people who are overly-competitive. I also dislike people who are judgers. I dislike the unspoken contests a lot of girls (& guys I guess, too) play of "I'm doing this better than you." You know you know people like this. And I secretly hate them, though I know some.
- I like the idea of doing things my own way. Though I catch myself thinking that's not how it's done, I remind myself that I can do anything however I want. So, some (or most) days I leave dishes in the sink and clothes draped everywhere in my bedroom to spend time with my housband. I'd rather have the memory of that time spent with him than with my dishes. And some days, I drape crepe paper from all places in my house because I want it everywhere.
- I am often so overwhelmed with everything in life, I feel like I'm going to burst into tears. Even simple things like cooking... I can't do it. But I'm trying.
- I wish I had more time for photographs and time during the day to do things like read a book, or go to the park.
- I love weekends, and I always think they're too short.
- I had a dream last night I was trying to kill someone with a squirt gun. I was mad it wasn't working (duh?).
- I've had several dreams I've killed someone, and woken up very upset at the idea of murdering someone.
- I haven't worn a coat yet this season. I shiver violently as I drive the street (yes, one street) home every day from work.
- I really like cake plates. And unique dishes in general. There's a bowl in a certain store that I've been admiring since June. I also like teacups.
- I love dogs, but I'm not ready for one of my own... yet. Same with babies.
- I would like to buy several movies: You've Got Mail, Kate & Leopold, The Holiday, Penelope, Wall-E, and probably some others, too.
- Why do movies make everything seem so easy? And why do the women in movies always have impeccable wardrobes and jobs and enough money? Movies are so weird in that way.
- Life is much better than a movie.
- I'm really glad that we have a dishwasher.
- I can't wait until it snows and the sky is pink at nighttime.
- I want to take a ceramics class very, very soon.
Sorry I'm so crazy.