Last night, as I was trying to fall asleep,

I was thinking about my plans. What I'm doing, or going to do, with myself, my talents, my abilities. I've thought a lot about what I want to do with photography, but I often get so discouraged because there are so many people out there doing it and it's become so popular lately. It's so easy to photoshop and make nothing into something... I just get discouraged when I look and see ordinary people glossed over or made into something they're not. I don't think that's what photography is about... I know my work isn't perfect, but I want it to be honest. I want my photographs to show how things really are, not how I wish them to be. I like people's wrinkles and freckles and scars. It's what makes you, you. Life isn't perfect--why do all our photographs pretend to be? I don't really understand it. I'm not immune from this by any means, but I'm working on doing better. On being more honest with myself, and with you. Whoever you are.

Anyway. Back to what I was saying. I'm thinking of what I'm going to do with myself, and I was talking in the dark with my husband before he fell asleep last night... I love portrait photography. Not posed photography, necessarily. I like seeing people in their settings. I love the documentary feel. My best photos are usually ones that aren't set up. [I love landscapes, too, but I also love portraits.]

I don't really want to do wedding photography. I don't think I'll handle the stress well. However, I love little kids and pets. [Believe it or not, there's a large market for pet photographers!] I'm a weirdo, I guess. I think that's what I want to do with myself, mostly later when we have kids; I want to work from home. This could happen sooner, though, after I build my portfolio and I could do it on my time off. Photographs of kids and pets. I became so excited about the idea I had to calm myself down so I could sleep.

I'm being brave and sharing this with you. I'm scared. Mostly that you'll think I'm weird. I worry too much about that. I shouldn't care, but I do.

In related news, I spent some time looking through Justin Hackworth's photography, and I left feeling so inspired. What a great photographer! His portraits are so beautiful, natural and honest. That's what I want to do. That's what photography is about. He has a photo every day feature as well, and I looked through that.. needless to say, it's all really great. [The photos on the blog are good, but my favorites are these portraits, and these, as well as his senior portraits. Plus several others! I recommend you take a look if you have a minute & you like a good portrait!]

I want to photograph people. I want to photograph life how it is. I am in love with photography and I cannot stop thinking about it, even when I try.

I'm sorry this is so long.

I might change my mind about this, and I might regret posting this. But I'm doing it anyway.