Wednesday, July 29, 2009

I'm behind on life.

I'm feeling a little weird.

As I was talking to my spouse about it, I asked him what bugs him, and why he doesn't tell me about it very often.

His response: Things don't bug me that often.

I've thought about that a lot today. I said to him, I guess I'm the one making my life hard. I'm the one who bugs me. I've put so much pressure on myself lately, I just can't relax. I am my own biggest problem.

I told him that this is the way I am, what I know. Striving for perfection, making goals and achieving them no matter what, and setting myself up for giant headaches (and stomach aches) when things don't work out exactly or as quickly as I want them to happen.

He said, maybe it's time to learn something new.

I think he's right. I'm trying to make too many things happen, and not only happen, happen perfectly, when I want them to, with no problems. I am really tired--in my head, in my body, everywhere.

I need a break.

2 comments:

Amy said...

sorry sister.

does it make you feel any better to tell you that I am the exact same way?

it's hard to let go . . . and especially hard to learn something new. tell me if you get there. and then teach me how.

love you.

kitchendoor said...

UGH, I so understand. I spend my days feeling perpetually like I'm trying to catch up--I set these bars so high for myself and then get frustrated when I fling myself at them over and over and can't quite clear 'em. I'm 24. Shouldn't I be more awesome and accomplished by now?

I'm trying to focus less on the goals and more on the happiness. Or--to make happiness a goal, I guess, in whatever form in takes.