I was reading a book.
I tried to go to bed at a respectable time, like a respectable adult. Instead, I lied awake and thought thought thought about the book. And how sometimes I felt that way--the way the main character thinks and feels. Like I was losing my mind or am I still? Maybe I am. Maybe life is like a delicate thread, you're a little on either side, sane or insane. You're a little bit both. Anyway, I finally decided to go for it--obviously I wasn't getting any sleep until I continued--so I turned on my book light at 2 or so in the a.m. and read until I finished, around 3 a.m.
And I felt that I had it a lot more together afterward. I guess I need to be better about not sponging emotions or ideas from things which surround me.
Lately, I've felt that I'm not very good at playing "adult." I'm not very good at a lot of things. All I can do, for now, is love my family, love my friends, and give them parts of myself that I can. All I really have is two hands... but they can do a lot of good, I've learned.
Life is hard, but it's good. Life has been hard lately. Lots of hard things have happened, and I think about this all the time, but life is fragile. Let go of unimportant things. Don't hold grudges against those you love--it's just not worth it. I'm not trying to preach--instead, I write these things often to remind myself. Sometimes I forget.
I'm at my sister's house, taking care of her kids while she's at the hospital with her husband, my brother-in-law. My nieces and nephew are so precious. Sometimes it's hard to say that about bickering 9 and 6 year-olds, but they are. It's wonderful to care for another person's family, to feel trusted in that way. And to watch after kids who are so obviously loved.
I am quite tired, and it's not even 11. I miss my dog and husband, and my little home and regular life. I've only been here one day, but it's still been a good day.
What a strange transition it is--going from no kids to three (two who are pretty independent and one who is... well... not so much). I have so much praise for parents, and especially working parents. It's hard. But loving them is easy.