Sunday, July 15, 2012

Thinking, that's all

I've never really been the type of person to get stir-crazy, but living in a hotel with three other people, two of the infant variety, is just about getting me there. If anything, it allows me a lot of time to think. I haven't been turning on the tv lately--while I'm here with the babies, at least--so I feel as though I should have a lot more free time, though I'm often frustrated by how little I can actually do, given my stuff is mostly in Utah (and packed in a playhouse as well).

I've realized how little I actually know about parenting. Sometimes these babies just baffle me. They're sort of power-nappers... And I think it's weird. They've started to sleep two longer stretches at night, anywhere from 4 to 6 hours, but during the day, they'll act tired and sleep, but sometimes as short as 20-30 minutes. Unless I'm holding them or letting them sleep on my chest (like when my housband is around and we have free time and he has one baby himself, for example), they can sleep up to 3 hours. But most days, they'll power nap, wake up crying, then be mostly happy until it's time for the next power nap. I wouldn't mind, except with two babies, I don't have much time to myself... And sometimes I would like a little stretch of time to do something, like make headbands, blog, read or edit some photos or something. But then it's hard because we're all in one room, and they don't sleep well in their bed during the day. So. That's one thing. And most days I think, I have no idea what I'm doing. I guess it matters that they're fed, dressed, and sleep pretty well at night, so I'm not too upset about it, but having a tiny bit longer to myself would be kind of nice.

On a similar note, I was working on my new website last fall, towards the beginning of my pregnancy. As it's almost been a year that my site's been down, I'm wondering if I even want to do another website. And on that note, if I even want to keep doing portrait photography. Don't get me wrong, it has its moments where I really love it, but I really like doing niche-type work, like lifestyle portraits of kids, photos of pets; less family pictures type stuff. But where I'm located, I don't know that there's a market for that type of thing and I think I'm priced too high to get a ton of business anyway. (Which is actually ok, as I like to shoot film and there are more costs associated with it, and I've thought long and hard about my pricing so I don't think it's unreasonable.) I just don't know what I should do. If you know me well at all, you know I'm horribly indecisive, and this is another time where it comes into play. Do I spend time and energy on my new website, or just go with a blog? I struggle, too, because when my girls are awake, I feel guilty not paying attention to them as I don't want to miss anything--they're already growing WAY too fast. Plus, I feel bad because I try to stimulate them so they're not bored and they'll learn new things, but in a hotel room with just me, it's tricky. So where's the balance? Do I forget about doing a new website and maybe just jazz up my blog? Or decide it was a good run and go back to doing photography for myself exclusively? I'm going to keep thinking about it, I suppose.

I miss my dogs. Also, Bert was a loot skinnier when we got him. Now he's fat and happy.

I had a dream the other night that I was pregnant and in labor with one baby. And I thought to myself, this is going to be so easy, mostly because I was having contractions but couldn't feel them, due to the fact that my belly was so small compared to when i had two babies in there. And I decided to do natural, no drugs, because of it. The hospital was almost like a giant gym or recreation center with a giant jacuzzi tub right by my room, and I remember looking at it and saying I was going to get in it because labor was going so awesome for me thus far. It was a really weird dream, overall.

Elko is really kind of windy. I hate wind. Also, Texas governor Rick Perry was here on Friday. I have NO idea what kind of crowd he expected to draw here, or why he's traveling in a Mitt Romney bus. Perhaps he's campaigning for Romney? I don't know.

I slept on my stomach for the first time since last summer a couple weeks ago. I woke up with a back ache, and thus I decided it was a mistake.

My babies are three months old as of Friday. They are now ready to go to college.

That is all for my brain vomit for now.


Cristeen said...

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Lauren said...

i loved this post ash! i really wish that i could just take a vacation from work and come and hang out with you and those gorgeous babes in elko!

miss you lots!


Adrienne Hansen said...

Favorite line:

because labor was going so awesome for me


write more blogs. it makes me laugh. lots.

Lauren said...

yeah ash, you are SUCH a good writer! i love reading your blog!