The search is on...

Well, we're looking for places to rent.  It's been... interesting.  And frustrating.  I have ideas in my head of where and in what I'd like to live, but it seems as though my wallet doesn't agree.  So, we keep going back to the drawing board. 

We were kind of excited about the prospect of buying a place, but the area in which we could live--anywhere from central Salt Lake to Provo, essentially--is too big, and we'd probably only be able to afford a town house, which don't tend to hold their value as well as a home.  So... here we go again!

And then there's this:  we're not moving until May.  I'm excited, my housband's excited, but excitement leads to frustration when we find a place but can't pay rent on it while it sits empty for a month. 

I guess what's really happening is that we need to stop looking until April.

Nonetheless, I'd really like to live somewhere we won't get shot, have drug dealers for neighbors, and somewhere I won't have to leave my girls alone for lengthy periods of time to let my dogs out to go potty.  (And now you're thinking I'm an idiot for owning dogs... but you're not the only one!)

Anyway, if you have any tips of good, safe places to rent for around $850 a month in these areas, I'd appreciate it.  When it comes down to it, I've really only lived in Logan--which I'm realizing now is really, really small when you think about it--and Elko (but that was a hotel and that doesn't really count).  I guess what I'm saying is this:  I'm feeling a little lost, and kind of scared to move.  Don't get me wrong--I'm so, so excited. 

And just like Jessie Spano, I'm so, so scared.

Resolutions

I always think it's interesting when people post about their resolutions for the new year. 

Mine generally include Remembering The Year Has Changed (more difficult, every year, than I think it will be)

and

Not Making Any Real Resolutions, mostly because inevitably I will forget about them/become unmotivated very early on/start to resent them, so I just avoid them all together.  Also, I prefer to go with the flow of inspiration, which generally doesn't come because we begin a new year at 12:01 a.m. one random day. (Though this seems to change every year; come back next year and ask me again and I will likely have another opinion on it.)

Here's my flow of inspiration as of late:  I've really wanted to learn to paint and learn to weld.  And become a really stellar welder, in fact.   I've also been looking into making some furniture for my home, so I suppose I'll let you know how that goes.  I have a friend who's pretty good at it (no, it's not my housband, and he most likely doesn't want to be involved because he doesn't get excited about FURNITURE! like I do, probably because I don't let him decorate with Spiderman posters in our main living area and things like that), so we are going to whittle a table for my homestead.  Not a TABLE table, but actually a side table kind of thing, and if I can make up my mind about what it should look like and features it should include, oh, and also find money for the supplies, eventually we'll get this thing banged out and ready to go.

So.  That's where I'm at.  How 'bout you?

Photo 3.

I've finished my photo project for 2009--a photo for every third day. I think I did pretty well; I didn't miss any days, but toward the end I got the days a little confused.

I have a project for 2010 that I think I'll give a go. I'll fill you in later; for now, enjoy the rest of Photo 3 (and this photo of my niece and sister from December 27th)!

New year

I enjoy winter. I especially enjoy winter this year, because of my puppy--we have to walk him, so now my housband will go on walks with me outside. I love going on walks. I'm generally very introverted, so I work things out in my head. But on walks, it's a stream-of-consciousness conversation where we work out thoughts, plans and dreams together. It doesn't matter that I look like an old Russian lady with my hood pulled over my head and tied tight; I will always remember these times as good.

Secondly, my dog helps me sleep more normal hours. I naturally tend to stay up late and get things done. However, he and my housband prefer to go to bed earlier, and I like to go to bed with them.

I've found several blogs I really like in the last little while. I'll have to share them later. I've decided I really like people that exude goodness. People who only speak kindly of others, and are just generally pleasant. I guess a lot of people could fit that category, but I'm thinking very specifically of a couple people. I want to be more like that.

I've written before that I tend not to make resolutions for the new year, mostly because I hate disappointing myself--I find I can be really very harsh toward myself when I don't meet my own goals. However, I think I'll go for it this year. Here are my Twenty-Ten goals:

• Do better at advertising my business. Get more clients, improve my business sense, and continue improving my photography skills. Go for it this year--see what it can really do for me.

• Show more kindness to others; try harder to find the good in others, and focus on generating goodness. Don't participate in gossip or talking badly about others. It's never felt good, and it never will.

• Write more. Poetry, essays, fiction, whatever. I miss it immensely.

• Continue to downsize and remember, people are more important than things. Things just take up space. As the youngest of a bunch of kids, I've finally learned that having lots of things doesn't equate to happiness. It just means more work later when you have to go through it all.


Lastly, I have something in mind for my this year's photo project; I'll have to fill you in later. Happy Sunday!

I just

ate way way WAY too much sugar. I don't know when I'll ever learn that my body isn't built to only house sugar. (And I also don't know when I'll learn that I'm not 17 anymore...)

I have a book club meeting tonight, but I haven't read the book yet. I'm on the 5th chapter. I am seriously torn about whether to go or not.

I kind of want to sit home on my couch, bunker down, and not think about a thing while I watch So You Think You Can Dance.

Because here are things about which I've been thinking that have made my mind into a slimy muddled puddle of somethingness:

*My website. Yes, I'm working on it. It's a lot of work. I have a lot of images to process and get internet-ready. I'm overwhelmed. I'm also adding three more shoots to the pile of "need to process" this weekend. I'm a little worried about that.

*Getting my business license/registration sorted out. Holy confusing questions, batman. I've never done anything like this before, and I've never heard most of these business-y terms before. I guess it's simple, but I can be pretty simple-minded when it comes to things of permanent or semi-permanent consequence.

*The Film is Not Dead workshop. I'm nervous to meet new people. I feel like a grade-school kid again. What if they don't like me? Then I remember we're all the same boat. I think. Perhaps after next Wednesday night, I'll be able to sleep well at night again.

*How much I hate money. Mostly because I never have any. My own fault.

*How I might be doing spreadsheets FOR.EV.ER.

*How much I wanted to dog-nap the puppy which came into my ceramics class last night.

*How my pottery will turn out. Hopefully there aren't any garish cracks or handles falling off after going through the initial bisque firing. Once I get them glazed, I will probably take a photo. If they don't turn out too horrendously. I've realized, once again, how clumsy I am with my hands.

*There are round-trip flights from Salt Lake to Los Angeles for around $199 and I am not on them. This upsets me more than I want to tell you. I saw a photo of a person just down the street from the beach and I almost lost it the other day.

And lastly,

*Why can't I draw good?

Yep.


This photo will probably end up in my portfolio. I haven't posted photos here for a bit, so I thought I'd share at least this one. Tori, tell your sisters THANK YOU for letting me borrow their beautiful, fantastic kids.

Dream life

I was just thinking about what would be my ideal life; where would I live, what would I do, what would my house look like?

I'd live by the ocean. By the ocean and some mountains, mostly because life's about compromises and my spouse loves the mountains. But mostly the ocean. I would live in this house (my dream house) by the ocean.


Or perhaps another old house. With lots of blue walls and white crown moldings. Just like this.
[This is an actual home for sale in my town, and I love it. Too bad we fit in the "don't have money for a house right now" category, or I'd buy this home in a heartbeat. Here's a walk through--what a dream.]

I love this landing and I often wonder: to what does that ladder lead?

And just to show you that it DOES have a conventional shower...

I love that house. If I could plop it somewhere between mountains and ocean, I would be happy.

Money would not be a thing about which I'd think. Not that I would have a lot or none; rather, I'd just rather not think about it. I'd rather not worry about it. I guess this is mostly because my husband and I fit into the "struggling college students" category. We'd have plenty of money. Not too much, not too little. Just right.

We'd eventually have 3 or 4 little kiddos. They'd be good kids. Not too loud, not too quiet, smart, interested in books, lovers of the outdoors and dogs. They'd be obnoxious but I'd love them anyway, because I was (and still am) that way occasionally. We'd have a couple of dogs: my golden retriever and whatever the heck my husband decides is worth his time (there are only a few breeds he likes to think about having, and it changes every-so-often). I'd stay home with the kids, but we'd have lots of adventures. My husband would have a job which interests him but doesn't tire him completely out, so he could come home and spend time with us. Yes, I'd keep my current husband. I kind of like him. Plus, our kids are going to be cute--I just know it.

I'd be more of a morning person. I wouldn't need much sleep, actually. I'd wake early and go to bed after midnight. I'd photograph lots of things in life; I don't know if I'd do it for money. Maybe just for the joy of it. I'd leave the dishes in the sink to watch the tide at night with my family instead. We'd watch movies outside with a projector showing on a sheet hung from the roof of our house. We'd spend days at the beach, in the mountains, at home, and our only real deadline would be time to go to church on Sunday. Every other day is a free-for-all. Except for school... I don't think I would be a very good home school teacher. So they'd go to school.

We'd have a library of lots of good books. I'd have a lot of time to draw and paint. I'd be good at drawing and painting. I'd learn to cook well. It'd be a messy and clean life, but it would be a good life. Our home would be a heaven on earth; not perfect, but perfect for us. A haven, you might say.

Maybe I'm just a dreamer. I don't know. But this is what I'd like my life to be like. I guess one of the good parts of life is the way that it's full of surprises--things often don't turn out how I thought they might. Oh, well. I can still dream. What's your version of a dream life?

I'm becoming a fan of Wednesdays.

It's the middle of the week--pretty close to the weekend. Ok, closer than yesterday.

Also, So You Think You Can Dance is on Wednesdays. I'm not afraid to admit that I love that show. So much. No, I can't dance. But I wish I could. I can [kind of] do the robot, but who can't?

I'm going to Harry Potter tonight, and I'm wearing a shirt that says Muggle. I love it. I haven't even seen the 5th movie, but I don't really care.

That's all, short and sweet for once. See you soon. (Probably next week!)

Big news

I've finally opened an Etsy shop. I only have 6 prints on there, but I should have more soon. I'm so excited!

I've been thinking a lot about it, and I think I will probably start selling other artwork on there as well. We'll see.

Thanks for reading. You guys are the greatest.

I am going

on vacation.

I'll be back very soon.


HOPEfully with a lot of good photos.

One of

my favorite things to think about is traveling. I love to travel. I love seeing new places, new people, observing how the world works. I love the absolute anonymity of travel... During a trip, I can be anyone I want, though it's always easier to be me.

But the thing is, traveling has a way of making me feel very small. I feel how unimportant I am, how small my life really is- which, truthfully, isn't a bad thing. It's nice to be humbled.

On Sunday, we drove about a half hour out of town, to a place I don't think I've ever been before. We saw rolling hills among mountains, admired sagebrush and soaked in the sun. My husband packed a picnic for us in brown paper bags, and we ate on a blanket under a pine tree. I felt somewhat sick on the way there; maybe it was car-sickness. I used to get that a lot. Perhaps, though, it was the same sick feeling I got when I drove with my family from Utah to Indiana and I realized, maybe just a bit, how big the world possibly is. It's a little scary if you think about it. We are all so small, and there's so much we will never see or do.

I was thinking about it and I realized how blessed I've been to be able to visit all the places I have. I have:

• swam in both the Atlantic and Pacific oceans.
• been to Maine and [a bit of] Minnesota.
• seen lush gardens in Indiana, skipped rocks by waterfalls in New York, driven along a highway beside the Atlantic.
  
• admired Mount Vernon in mid-winter and envied Martha Washington's dining room paint color.
  
• explored Cornell, Harvard, Ball State [in Muncie, Indiana], Yale, and Duke.
  
• eaten peach chicken and cinnamon sweet mashed potatoes at a boat house restaurant, smelled Yellowstone [& saw the geysers], walked the entire Las Vegas strip several times in one day, and driven to Boise and back in a day to see Jason Mraz [twice].
• visited the Smithsonian and the Lincoln memorial.
  
• fallen in love with tiny towns in the northeast--and big towns too [like Boston and New York City].
  
• oohed and ahhed over million-dollar beach houses in North Carolina.
  
• smiled under the antler bridge in Jackson Hole for many a photo.
  
• watched lightning bugs glitter at night on the 4th of July [a luxury I don't get here].
  
• walked around in ankle-deep snow in Washington, D.C., and experienced instantaneous thunderstorms & floods in tornado country.
  
• collected seashells at each coast.
  
• contemplated buying a tiny, multi-million-dollar home on Balboa Island [of course when I'm rich--in the future].
  
• walked with bleeding blisters down Times Square, seen a fabulous frog pond in Connecticut, and driven past plain after plain in Nebraska and Kansas.
  
• eaten Thanksgiving dinner in South Dakota.
  

I've done a lot of things... but not everything. Nope, not yet.

I still have so much to see. I want to travel the world. Before I ever dated my husband, I planned on going to graduate school after college, traveling the world, living on my own & life would be all figured out, easy peasy. Though my plans have changed, I'm not sorry they have. I have a traveling companion of whom I never tire. I have a lot of great things. We're planning trips... several for this summer. I am so excited I have someone with me to take on the world. I'm glad I have someone to help me figure out what I'm doing in life. Most days, I have no idea. I'm just happy to be here for the ride.

So, we're going to travel. Our first stop? Central America. I will not tell you when or where, because, well, I'd like to keep some things to myself. I'm excited but also scared. I don't speak the native language [at all]. But that's okay.

I'm adding to my list of adventures, and that's all I can ask.

I'm going to go now.

I'll type to you later.

I have been thinking,

and I have decided a few things:

• We ought to live at a place which has big willow trees and rope swings which hang from the branches.

• We also ought to make life extraordinary. An adventure a day. None of this sitting around, boring boring-ness all day, every day. That's only allowed some days. [I don't always do this now, but I can dream, right?]
  

• I would like to live at a place with a good amount of land, and hopefully a lot of lawn to mow. Not that I would mow it... I would probably cut my toes off. But not so secretly, I wouldn't mind if the grass got a little tall.

• I would like to get a dog. I don't want one that sheds, but if it means it'll be a good dog, I suppose I'll just have to buy a vacuum. [Do not tell my brotherman this, because then he'll think I've consented to getting a husky. I haven't! Not yet, anyway.]

• I tell my husband that I like living close-ish to a place with sirens, because it makes me feel like we live in a big city. He hates that part. Maybe this is the closest we will ever live to a big city. I think I'm pretty ok with that. As long as I get to visit the big cities.

• I wouldn't mind it if we had some goats. Pygmy goats. I think they're splendid. Or sheep. Or they can raise ducks and we'll have a pond. I don't care. We are duck lovers at our house--especially my housband.

Life [& dreaming] is grand.

One of my favorite things to dream about

is where we'll end up once my husband's done with school. At least the undergraduate part. We're still figuring out our future.

Not that I don't enjoy living here--I do--especially with family so close, but I'm ready for an adventure. Maybe I'll go back to school then and get a master's degree. Maybe we'll decide to have kids and I can stay home. Wherever we are, I don't care... I just want to be happy.

That said, here's a map of where, ideally, we'd want to end up:


There's a key near the bottom--the orange dots are his, the blue ones are mine. I know they're kind of random. I would like to live by the ocean, however... and the Atlantic is so warm. I love that! I don't particularly want to live in the midwest, mostly because neither of us are from there, sort of like if we weren't from Utah, we probably wouldn't want to live here [especially if we didn't have family here].

He doesn't want to live on the east coast, but I've been there enough that I think it's a really nice place, and there are plenty of beautiful, small towns where I would love to live. I picked Rhode Island solely for the reason that I love the movie "Dan in Real Life" so much, and much of it is set there... it's so beautiful!

On the other hand, it would be nice to live somewhere, even for just a bit, where winter isn't so brutal [which is why I don't really want to end up in the Dakotas or Minnesota... enough already!]. Or perhaps we could even live somewhere where it's a lot warmer than here year-round. Imagine that!

I think I'm a little more flexible than he is on this, but we'll see where school/life after school takes us. Like I said, I don't really care... I just want to be happy. And own a little house I can call my own.

Bonus: after closer inspection, the map is written in German. I love German.

Other highlights from the weekend:

Not in any particular order:

• Krispy Kreme donuts on the way home
  
• Late-night Dan in Real Life viewing [I love that movie]
• A clean house--I just can't get over it
• Coming home Friday night instead of Saturday, when we were originally supposed to come home
  
• Pulling out one of my spring skirts and wearing it for the first time this year
• Taking photos of this sweet babe:

Meet my niece, Bergen Jo.

I think this one's funny, mostly because she's a little too big to do this... and her expression is great.

I also got several good screaming/crying photos.

There are more good ones, but that's all I have for now. I just love her.

Now I'm going home to several nights by myself. Brotherman just left on a biking trip with some fellows til the end of the weekend, so I'm going to be all by my lonesome. But don't cry for me, Argentina: I have a video store rental card, a gym membership, plenty of projects, a sweet peanut butter pie recipe from Summer, and a floorplan for my spare room.

Wish me luck.

It's simple, really.

I dream of one day buying a bouquet of magnolia blossoms wrapped in brown paper.

I dream of restoring an old house, with odd nooks and organized closet spaces.

I dream of having a place in my apartment to create... a place that won't be disturbed by biology notes and chemistry equations.

I dream of having children like my husband, little boys who wear cowboy boots and raise sheep for the fair and have curly-q hair, just like my husband. I dream of loving them like I love him. I dream of photographing their faces and hands, their toes, our lives together.

I also dream of having little girls with hair that will go into perfectly puffed, curly pigtails.

I dream of having a sweet pooch who will be good-natured and will go on walks with me through the woods.

I dream of riding my bike all over town with a bunch of peonies in my basket, along with my polaroid camera in the month of May.

I dream of a life well-lived, with messes and clean places and rain and happiness and sadness and adventures and popcorn on friday nights and movies together and travels...

I dream of the life I have and life that is yet to come, and some days it makes me so happy I just don't know what to do with myself.

Today, I've been looking at several photography things, and I'm getting really excited.

But I think what's helping me is the fact that I've been shooting a lot lately, mostly because of my photo 3 project. Which is actually a lot of fun, if I think of what I want to shoot beforehand.

Today, I've been looking into getting a tilt-shift lens; they're pretty pricey, but the results are really, really cool. Take a look at this photo from Greg Keene:


It looks like a miniature city, but it's not... I think there are a lot of possible uses for a lens like this one. Though I could get a lensbaby, which virtually does the same thing, I think there's a noticeable difference, so I'm holding out for the big mama:

Image from Nikonusa.com

Anyway, there's one thing. The other thing I read about on A Little Sussy: Timelapse shooting. Take a look at some of her videos--the first is a view of the Golden Gate Bridge; she has links to two other shoots from that post & all are equally cool.

After more research, though, it seems as though it's going to be more difficult than I thought. I'll probably have to get one of these cords, as well as a bigger memory card. Maybe that's something I'll try this summer when I have some spare time.

Photography has so many possibilities, and I get so excited thinking about all of them. It's interesting to think how photography has become such a huge trend... and I think it's strange how a lot of photographers don't go beyond the surface level to discover new or exciting ways to think about photography. Maybe the popularity will die down soon; I know for me, it won't, since I've been shooting for about 5 years now [and I'm still learning a LOT every day]. However, it's still nice to find new things about it--a definite plus to finding so many people interested in my favorite form of expression.