Back to Logan.

Well, we're back in Utah.  This week, I'm visiting my sister in Utah County, so we haven't been HOME home, but we're home.  Our Elko adventure is over (for now, maybe).  Who knows, maybe we'll end up there when my housband graduates!  He went back without us to save some money from our expensive hotel and is staying with some wonderful friends of ours for the next two weeks.  It was a little sad to leave our little hotel room, pack everything up and leave knowing that the whole experience is over and all those things which annoyed me about living in a hotel were also a thing of the past.  I guess I'm weird like that, or maybe oddly sentimental.

These little babies turned 4 months on Monday!  They're growing so fast...  Such sweet little girls.  They slept separately, in cribs, and not in our room for the first time last Saturday night.  It was a lot of change!  But they did well.  It seems like just yesterday we came home from the hospital with them and here they are, almost rolling wiggle worms.  They're so cute and smiley, and SUCH good little babes.  We went to Target today and they did fabulously well.  They also got some of the cutest clothes.

Anyway.  I'll write more later... maybe when I'm not so tired.

Sometimes,

I think life moves too quickly.  Actually, most times.  Though I go through periods I don't whole-heartedly love, I often look back and think, that went by far too quickly.

I just heard the beginning strains of a song full of banjo and voices in my head, a song I listened to a lot last summer when I biked most places on my cruiser and spent my time mostly at home with my dogs, missing my husband but enjoying a good bit of solitude. I thought to myself, wow, that went by too quickly.  I remember distinctly the first time he left and drove to Nevada by himself, the first time of many, and I thought, what do I do now?  If I told you someone else besides my husband was my very best friend, I'd be lying.  I truly had no idea what to expect when we realized he'd have to go without me and commute home every weekend.  I had to figure out how to otherwise fill my time because when he's with me, I just want to spend it with him, a non-problem I've had ever since we were first together.  Though I've always enjoyed my time with myself, he's the one exception to that rule: I never tire of him.

So every weekend he came home, we'd go on bike rides and go swimming and watch one-hour episodes of Alfred Hitchcock stories and spend time with our dogs and it was just the best until Sunday afternoon came and it would physically hurt when he'd have to leave again. 

I just remembered it all so fondly--all of it in a few notes of a banjo playing through my head--though I know I probably wouldn't choose to do it again, given the choice.  But then it hit me how quickly I moved on from the summer, how he came home and we found out we'd be having a baby (and then soon realized it would be two babies) and how life is moving at this incredible pace.

Sometimes the kids at preschool cry or mope because of something we have to do, like clean up toys or take a nap or do a math assignment.  I remember feeling that way as a kid, the absolute dread of this is going to be the death of me, and feeling it would take the rest of my day.  As an adult, I've learned to embrace situations I don't love because I've learned so many times that this, too, will be gone so quickly.  Days are flying by.  Summer is over, my husband is home, and this summer, I'll have two new little people in my world.  It's sort of mind-boggling, isn't it?  Life moves on, every day isn't the same, bad things happen and we move on, good things happen and we move on to different things, completely different phases and people and life situations.

This summer, I'm going to have a baby for each arm.  I'm going to Summerfest and Nevada and the classic car cruise-in.  I'm going to go swimming (a little, hopefully).  I'm going to ride my bike (a little, hopefully).  My life is going to be completely different.  I'm ready for it.  But I'm enjoying right now, too, this last little while of us and our dogs before the babies come and everything changes.

Just so you know, this is a good song to listen to if you're cruising around on your bike.

And in our native language we are chanting ancient songs
And when we quiet down the house chants on without us.................

So, anyways.

I did some squats yesterday, and now I can't walk too well today.  My feet are floppin like a sloppy horse's hooves.

On another note, I think I am going to go write a novel.  CAUSE THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE DO, RIGHT? I'm just kidding.  I'm not angry about it.  I miss writing.

I have made so many flowers in the last month, I forgot what it was like to NOT make flowers.  You just wait til you see them.  I love them.  I'd keep them all, but I think my housband might boycott our home.  I think I might also be a half-hoarder (not a hoarder to the extent that it's disgusting, but a hoarder to the extent that I have some real crap I should probably sell or get rid of, because I won't always have a whooooooole extra bedroom for my junk.)

I just got back a ton of film from my labs--I'm even still waiting on some!--and I have a ton of cool stuff coming up on my photog blog.  Check it OUT!

July is almost over.  I can't believe it.  It's FLOWN by.  JOOLY!  WHERE DID YOU GO?

Anyway, my life is the same old boring.  But boring is good though I guess.  At least it's not exciting in a horrible way.

Lastly, I'm including a photo of my by my housband.  Mostly because when I got them back, I thought they were cool!  He did a good job.  That dude is rad.  I love him.

I'm sorry about all the yelling.  I'm just real excited, ok?

Miss Peggy lives for a day

So, we borrowed Paige for a day. And here it is, complete with photos!!

After mom left, we rode some rides at the outlets in Park City. But tried to not look TOO happy about it, because that would be uncool for a 3-year-old.

Then we try entertaining ourselves, because soccer games get boring pretty fast.  Also, showing off our bum is probably the best choice, given the situation.

Then we practiced our model shots.  And climbed the fence, because that's what the big kids were doing.

After the game, we went to a restaurant.  And looked really sleepy after coloring.  WE WANT MAC AND CHEESE, people.  This is serious.

Then we had our respective dinners.  We decide we don't like the toast.  It cannot be touching any of our other foods.  HEAVEN HELP US!!!  (PS, one of my favorite things she says after she can't quite do something herself is, "I cannot do it.  I CANNOT."  Instead of can't.  She is fantastic)

And then, we fell asleep.  In the booth.  At a restaurant.  After staring at the family just on the other side of the booth with a lot of kids.  Probably because they are more fun than our aunt and uncle.

We woke up in the car ride after we stop to get aloe vera because, sunburn.  We saw a rainbow.  A double rainbow, even!  But you can't see it here.  Yet, I promise it was a double rainbow.  You can see part of it in this photo.  And then we fell asleep in the car.

Not pictured:  we wanted a tubby, so we decided on bath time, then we don't want a tubby, settle on tubby with no hair washing, then, unfortunately, soap in the eyes, and screaming.  Then, movie time on the giant bed.  And perhaps that cylinder pillow would keep our tootsies warm.

Then, we contemplated making some calls to our peeps.  With Bert on the bed.  (Don't worry, it was a pet-friendly hotel.)

So we called some peeps on our "cell phone."  Which, just last year, we used to call our "hallo."

FYI:  Nobody answered.

Then, we kept peeking under the curtains, because through our window, we could see uncle Pedro (again, not his real name) in the hot tub--soaking because he'd played two soccer games in one day.  Also, we decide we're hungry because we fell asleep at dinner and didn't finish our MAC AND CHEESE!!.  So we ate some chocolate, and had an awesome chocolate moustache situation.

Last, we stayed awake until the lights turn off, at which point, we almost immediately fell asleep.  And take over the (king-sized) bed. (!)  And then, when our aunt moved us in the middle of the night, we accidentally head-butted her, and say SORRY so sweetly in our sleep.

But anyways, what a great day. 

Park City & the weekend

We spent the weekend in Park City.  It was wonderful!  I sat in the sunshine, watching my housband play soccer, while also watching my niece because we borrowed her overnight due to wanting to keep her forever.

I LOVE HER.  She is probably one of the cutest little kids I have ever known.  By the second day we had her, we were all ornery, tired, and in desperate need of a nap.  BUT we arrived at my sister's home and dropped her off (while celebrating my other niece's big 8th birthday), and all was well again.

I have more to tell you about all this.  It's very special.  But how could you not LOVE this face?

I do.  I love this face.  And I love Park City. 

Happy 4th of Joo-ly.

Hope it was a good one for you!

I think I'm going to go eat cookies for dinner.  At 10:19 pm.  You're welcome, America.

In between all the muck of life

and car problems (more on that later), I had a dream that I was still in high school, in my high school's musical, and I had gotten the lead part.  It was AWESOME, and I could tell everyone loved my singing.  Haha.  AND my best friend, one who is still one of my best friends, was telling me all the reasons why she was envious of me. 

Most often, I have these horrible, self-doubting, negative dreams.  It was kind of nice to get something that was totally different.

Sometimes the experiences I go through/dreams I have remind me of what other people need--like this one, to be loved and validated, and appreciated for who they are.  I think I'm going to try harder with that.

PS - Summer came.  SURPRISE!

Bergen's face is about how I feel about summer.  It's too hot.  And this is just to show you that I actually do watch Friends pretty much every day.  Love that little Bergs.

Last night,

I ran over Bert with my bike.  Don't worry--I didn't do it on purpose, and he's just fine.  Nonetheless, it scared the crap out of me and I'm still traumatized.  I think, however, he is fine--he was hopping around like nothing happened directly after THE INCIDENT. 

August is well on its way, and every year I'm surprised by how pleasant it actually is, because for a few years it was less than ideal.  Probably because it's hot and school is beginning (and now without me in it), and there's not a lot to which I can look forward. 

But I've noticed something since being out of school; life is a bit more steady and has fewer ups and downs in the sense that I know, generally, what my days will be like.  Plus, I can make a lot more plans and actually follow through with them.  The other day, I wanted to work on a certain art project and I thought, why not now?  So I did it.  Then I was at Bear Lake the other day and I wanted to go deeper, so I left Bagheera with my husband (Bert was already drying off) and went deeper, catching waves and letting them carry me closer to shore with each pull.  I suppose that was sort of unrelated, but I think I've had a better attitude since getting a feel for my free time.

I'm feeling a lot of carpe diem feelings lately, and I quite like it.  Perhaps I'll start doing yoga or something.  (Truthfully, it sounds great in theory, but I can't seem to get the breathing and stretching in sync... Coordination isn't my forte.)  I've had numerous dreams lately about getting back into tennis-playing shape, so maybe I'll do that. 

And if nothing else, the sky is a wonderful blue lately, I've taken lots of photos, I drive around with the windows down, the grass is extra green, and I have two dogs and a husband. 

So, life is good. 

Apparently, mosquitoes love my feet.

Also, this is my newest friend.  His name is Bert.  He is hilarious, and also has these little eyes that melt me.  Plus he is so happy.

And you already know this dude. He's still pretty great.

So, the thing about photography for me lately is that it comes with a LOT of rejection.  Most of which I was generally not prepared for when I decided to do this.  I go through ups and downs because it's hard to get business these days when the market is so saturated... and then I take it personally.  (When I shouldn't, I know I shouldn't, but we all know I overthink things.)  This is not to say that everyone's going to bad photographers or I'm better than anyone else, because that's completely false.  The problem is that there are so many good photographers, and so many who sell themselves short--especially pricing wise--but that's another post entirely.  It's kind of crazy. 

Anyway, I go through weird cycles of being lonely and feeling sort of inept to having so much joy I don't know how to contain it.  I guess I can say I have been extremely happy shooting film--it's so much less work, more of the fun stuff (ie taking the photos), and I actually get to spend time with my husband and dog(s) rather than my computer.  It costs money, but time is money in a way, isn't it?  There's a reason why that's a cliche.

This summer's almost over and I don't feel ready for it to end.  I'm never quite ready to stare winter in the face, mostly because it's been particularly difficult since graduating college and being a "grown up."  I'm outside far less, and I think one of my greatest happinesses is just BEING outside.  I don't even care to do anything out there... I just like to be outside.  Staring through a window isn't quite the same.

Life sort of feels as though it's in fast forward lately, and as much as I want to say I'm prepared for it, I don't know that I am.  The things I hold most true to are still the same:  my husband, my family, finding and keeping happiness, figuring out ways to be most happy, reexamining my beliefs and finding ways to grow them.  Some guy at the dog park was talking about certain people in Africa whose IQ's are around the 70s range (which is to say, really low).  And I caught myself thinking, so what?  If they're happy then so what?  Sometimes I wish I knew less of the world. It often frightens me because it's so huge and out of control and at the same time, everything is so beautiful in a sad way.  I try not to think about it too much... it makes my head feel dizzy independently of my body.

I feel like I write a lot of tangential posts lately... I've been stuck in my head a lot. This is all to say, I am now accepting applications for a female best friend position.  My other best friends are A).  across the country (that goes for two of them) or B).  too busy doing their own thing or C). I am married to them (which is ok but it's nice to have female companionship).  Any takers?

I have NOT

abandoned blog... I've just been busy. 

With stuff like this photo:

Last weekend, we traveled to Ketchum (near Sun Valley), Idaho, and it was kind of magical.  Sounds corny, but that's just how I feel.  I'll tell you more about it later.

So. Let's talk.

My favorite thing to do this summer is go to Bear Lake.  I wish I had photos for you, but I don't... not right now.  They're at home, and I am not.  My favorite part of it is taking the dog and watching him burn his energy by swimming and frolicking and visiting all the kids around.  He is JUST THE BEST.

In other news, and down to the point of this post, yesterday was one of the best/worst days of my summer.  Best because being with family is so much fun... that, and we attended Fiesta Days where my sister lives, and there's lots of carnivals and carni folk.   My nephew won two goldfish, and the rest of us tried a bunch of times but couldn't get any.  I also rode a ride with my niece that pretty much did me in--I've never been SO SQUISHED by a 7-year-old before.  I was alternately laughing so hard I was crying and feeling barfy.... pretty funny.  I took a bunch of photos, and it was just a really nice evening.  It was one of those nights that I think I'll always remember.  Actually, I know I'll never forget it because of what happened beforehand...

Her really bad, leperous, bald haircut.  We are ridiculous.

Yesterday evening, my sister, Amy, and I opted to give their sweet little dog a haircut.  She was hairy and couldn't see out, so we opted to use some pet clippers on her.  And somewhere along the way (Amy trimmed her with the ineffective clippers and I had the scissors), after shaving her nearly bald--I told you, those clippers were BAD--I sliced Scooba's poor little face open.  I figured I got her when she nipped at my hand (oh don't worry, this has happened before but not so dramatically when I tried to help her see better)... but I had no idea it was THAT bad.

It makes my stomach flip thinking about it... they were supposed to be non-dangerous and non-slicing scissors with protected ends.  Count on me to do damage with them!  I felt so bad.  I FEEL so bad.  We held a damp paper towel to her face to stop the bleeding, but I couldn't stop myself from gasping when I saw the gash.  We tried to talk ourselves into the idea that she wouldn't need stitches, but after showing my brother-in-law, it became pretty clear that that's exactly what she needed.  In the midst of all the craziness, my sister had to take her to get two staples on her face to close it up before we could go to the carnival.  In the meantime, I wrangled a 2-year-old, two 9-year-olds, one 7-year-old, tried to keep the dog hair on my clothes from getting everywhere, took a QUICK shower (my skin was crawling with tiny dog hairs EVERYWHERE) while trying to distract said 2-year-old from the fact that mommy left in the car without her, then making pancakes for everyone for dinner because then we didn't have time for pizza due to staple-Scoob.

Her sweet killer tank top.  So people won't think she's a leper.

Finally, Amy came back with Scooba and her new face staples.  Somehow, Scooba still likes me.  If I were her, I'd probably decide not to be friends with me by now.  Needless to say, she is a REALLY good dog.

You can see one of her staples in the light.... and her really bad haircut.

Annnnnnd a little closer shot of the staples.  I still feel so bad.

Just in case you couldn't see them.

She seems to be handling it alright. I, however, might not be.  After Amy's little family's summer from outer darkness, which includes a big bike wreck after my bro-in-law was clipped by a car and had 3 surgeries to repair broken bones, a broken-down van, a 2-year-old yelling holdyouholdyouholdyou everywhere (among other things), I'm "glad" I could contribute just one more little stressful thing.

(Side note:  I borrowed Amy's point and shoot to take these photos... it was surprisingly difficult.  Kind of funny that I could tell you a lot about my good ol' DSLR and 35mm film camera, but barely know how to make a little Canon work.)

I like being here, but I think I cause more bad luck than good.

But the good news is, Scooba is ok, soon I'll be home, and everyone will be alright in the long run... right?

I AM SO SORRY AMY, ANDY, AND ESPECIALLY SCOOBS.

I keep thinking

of things I could write here, but it almost bores me to think of my time lately--it's been a lot of good things, and a lot of considering the future. 

Nonetheless, I'd like a better record of how I spend my time because my memory isn't as sharp as it used to be before Big Life Responsibilities.

So, here goes.

This summer, I have:
*spent a lot of time at my sister's house--about 3 weeks total now.  It's been a really nice break.
*attempted to get into water aerobics.  Perhaps I'll have to try again soon.
*been puzzled by an onslaught of ants in our kitchen.
*gone camping (last Friday!) and slept on hard ground.  Also, almost saw my dog hit by a car beforehand.  Awesome.
*shot a lot of film, spent plenty of money on film, but loved photography more than ever.
*discovered bocce... well, kind of.  I'd heard of it before, but hadn't ever played.  Come to find out, it's a lot of fun!
*tried to find happiness in where I am right now, rather than worrying about the future or feeling lost in the uncertainty of where we'll be or what we'll be doing in a couple of years.  I'm still working on this one each and every day.
*gotten tired of our semi-working central air.  Tired of being hot!  Also, tired of being cold.  Thinking of moving to a warmish/coolish climate year-round.
*felt tired.  A lot.
*tried to put more things in perspective... not always so easy.
*tried to get my sleep schedule under control.  Still a work in progress.  (Btw, how am I ever going to have kids when I can't even get my own sleeping under control?  Just curious.)
*loved watching So You Think You Can Dance.  Perhaps I'll take up dancing.  (You never know.)

Photos which weren't chosen for my other blog.

Because I think you're sick of my writing. I'm sick of my writing.

Here I go.