My girls' newborn photos

I feel like I'm doing this a lot lately, but I posted a bunch of my girls' newborn photos on my photo blog right here:  http://www.ashleygammillphotography.com/2012/11/ruby-and-emerson-newborn-photos.html.

Tomorrow, they're 7 months!  So it only took me that long to get to posting those... yeah.  And to think, we made it past the insane newborn no sleep situation we had going there for a while. 

Woohoo!!!!

Back to Logan.

Well, we're back in Utah.  This week, I'm visiting my sister in Utah County, so we haven't been HOME home, but we're home.  Our Elko adventure is over (for now, maybe).  Who knows, maybe we'll end up there when my housband graduates!  He went back without us to save some money from our expensive hotel and is staying with some wonderful friends of ours for the next two weeks.  It was a little sad to leave our little hotel room, pack everything up and leave knowing that the whole experience is over and all those things which annoyed me about living in a hotel were also a thing of the past.  I guess I'm weird like that, or maybe oddly sentimental.

These little babies turned 4 months on Monday!  They're growing so fast...  Such sweet little girls.  They slept separately, in cribs, and not in our room for the first time last Saturday night.  It was a lot of change!  But they did well.  It seems like just yesterday we came home from the hospital with them and here they are, almost rolling wiggle worms.  They're so cute and smiley, and SUCH good little babes.  We went to Target today and they did fabulously well.  They also got some of the cutest clothes.

Anyway.  I'll write more later... maybe when I'm not so tired.

The thing about twins

is that they're a whole lot of work.  Sometimes I hear mothers say "Oh, being a parent is the hardest job I've ever had."  And sometimes I disagree.  But then I really think about it, and I can't think of an occupation I've had that's been harder.  Mostly, I would say motherhood is just different.

I've never before had a job for which I've been required to wake up in the middle of the night to care for two other people.  Then again, I've never before had a job where I could take a nap in the middle of the day if the need arises.

I think the hardest thing, for me, is trying to figure out what I'm doing right, what I could change, and how to be better.  I get these emails from What to Expect (dot com) and honestly, I think they stress me out more than anything.  When my babies were real little, I didn't talk to them much.  It was sort of like survival mode, I think.  Even now, I talk to them and sing to them and play games, but I feel like it's not enough.  I should be singing with them, doing oodles of tummy time, playing all the games, buying all the toys, doing everything organically, and basically always doing more than what I'm currently doing.  If I were to be totally honest, I'd tell you it's a lot of effort to leave our little room and go somewhere.  It's a lot of effort to bathe both babies a few times a week.  By the end of it, I'm exhausted.  By the end of it, there's still two babies to dry off, lotion, put clothes on, and feed.  And THEN two babies to get to sleep, because we have baths in the morning.  Sometimes I just feel like there's not enough of me to go around.  I've never had just one baby, so I'm not saying that having two is SO much harder, because I don't have a doubt in my mind that one baby is hard.  After doing everything for one baby, I'm usually pretty worn out... but after doing everything for one baby, there's another to go.

The thing that keeps me going, though, is the thought that I don't have to do everything at once.  One step at a time gets everything done, even if it takes forever.  I remember the first time I had to get both babies ready for bed alone, which included diapers, pajamas, feeding, some essential oils to help them sleep a little better, and swaddling.  The whole thing took me over an hour, and I felt frazzled by the end.  Things have gotten better over time, and it helps that both babies are such happy, good girls--they smile all the time and are generally pleasant unless they're too cold/hot, hungry, or tired--but holy moly, babies are a lot of work. 

Still, it bothers me when my dumb What to Expect emails tell me my babies should be rolling by now (they're not) or laughing (again, not really), and they do ok at tummy time, but not fantastic.

I guess what I'm trying to say that motherhood is probably the most emotionally charged job I've ever had.  That, and I care much more about how this job pans out than I do about things like formulas in spreadsheets and stuff like that.  I get pretty tired of all the opinions about what I really need to be doing that comes my way, which I think is a problem for every mother. 

Nevertheless, I love these girls; I think we're doing just fine, thankyouverymuch.  At least my mom says so.  And what mom says goes, RIGHT?  I think maybe it's time for me to unsubscribe from those emails, because I'm a nut job.  Even if everything with two makes me tired, it's totally worth it. 

If you're a mother, I think you're doing a great job.

My babies are sleeping but I'm not sleeping.

YOU GUYS.  The girls have begun to sleep from 8ish to 4ish or even 5ish sometimes. 

But lately, I can't fall asleep.  And then, I sleep horribly.  Every sound I hear, I wonder, are they awake?  Are they waking up?  Are they choking?  And then I can't fall asleep until I hear whoever's wiggling settle down, take another breath, etc. 

They haven't choked yet.

I'm thinking they're going to be ok.

Maybe it's for the best that we'll be in separate rooms soon (with a monitor). 

I'm still pretty tired, even though they sleep well nowadays.

Thinking, that's all

I've never really been the type of person to get stir-crazy, but living in a hotel with three other people, two of the infant variety, is just about getting me there. If anything, it allows me a lot of time to think. I haven't been turning on the tv lately--while I'm here with the babies, at least--so I feel as though I should have a lot more free time, though I'm often frustrated by how little I can actually do, given my stuff is mostly in Utah (and packed in a playhouse as well).

I've realized how little I actually know about parenting. Sometimes these babies just baffle me. They're sort of power-nappers... And I think it's weird. They've started to sleep two longer stretches at night, anywhere from 4 to 6 hours, but during the day, they'll act tired and sleep, but sometimes as short as 20-30 minutes. Unless I'm holding them or letting them sleep on my chest (like when my housband is around and we have free time and he has one baby himself, for example), they can sleep up to 3 hours. But most days, they'll power nap, wake up crying, then be mostly happy until it's time for the next power nap. I wouldn't mind, except with two babies, I don't have much time to myself... And sometimes I would like a little stretch of time to do something, like make headbands, blog, read or edit some photos or something. But then it's hard because we're all in one room, and they don't sleep well in their bed during the day. So. That's one thing. And most days I think, I have no idea what I'm doing. I guess it matters that they're fed, dressed, and sleep pretty well at night, so I'm not too upset about it, but having a tiny bit longer to myself would be kind of nice.

On a similar note, I was working on my new website last fall, towards the beginning of my pregnancy. As it's almost been a year that my site's been down, I'm wondering if I even want to do another website. And on that note, if I even want to keep doing portrait photography. Don't get me wrong, it has its moments where I really love it, but I really like doing niche-type work, like lifestyle portraits of kids, photos of pets; less family pictures type stuff. But where I'm located, I don't know that there's a market for that type of thing and I think I'm priced too high to get a ton of business anyway. (Which is actually ok, as I like to shoot film and there are more costs associated with it, and I've thought long and hard about my pricing so I don't think it's unreasonable.) I just don't know what I should do. If you know me well at all, you know I'm horribly indecisive, and this is another time where it comes into play. Do I spend time and energy on my new website, or just go with a blog? I struggle, too, because when my girls are awake, I feel guilty not paying attention to them as I don't want to miss anything--they're already growing WAY too fast. Plus, I feel bad because I try to stimulate them so they're not bored and they'll learn new things, but in a hotel room with just me, it's tricky. So where's the balance? Do I forget about doing a new website and maybe just jazz up my blog? Or decide it was a good run and go back to doing photography for myself exclusively? I'm going to keep thinking about it, I suppose.

I miss my dogs. Also, Bert was a loot skinnier when we got him. Now he's fat and happy.

I had a dream the other night that I was pregnant and in labor with one baby. And I thought to myself, this is going to be so easy, mostly because I was having contractions but couldn't feel them, due to the fact that my belly was so small compared to when i had two babies in there. And I decided to do natural, no drugs, because of it. The hospital was almost like a giant gym or recreation center with a giant jacuzzi tub right by my room, and I remember looking at it and saying I was going to get in it because labor was going so awesome for me thus far. It was a really weird dream, overall.

Elko is really kind of windy. I hate wind. Also, Texas governor Rick Perry was here on Friday. I have NO idea what kind of crowd he expected to draw here, or why he's traveling in a Mitt Romney bus. Perhaps he's campaigning for Romney? I don't know.

I slept on my stomach for the first time since last summer a couple weeks ago. I woke up with a back ache, and thus I decided it was a mistake.

My babies are three months old as of Friday. They are now ready to go to college.

That is all for my brain vomit for now.

I'm alive!

Hi guys!  I've been thinking about my little blog a lot lately.  It feels like it's been forever, probably because it really has.  I've been sort of busy (ha), and I've had little snippets of time here and there during which I could probably blog, but I was writing the girls' birth story and felt guilty I haven't finished it.  I really wanted to within the first couple of weeks they were born, but I was REALLY really busy then, plus now I realize how out of my mind I was during that time and unaware of it.  Let's just say that the post-partum period was really weird and trippy... and I didn't have any or much of the depression, mostly just that I was really out of it.  Plus, I've been sleep deprived for several months now, and I know I'm forgetting things about when they were born, which makes me sad because it was a really neat experience.  And honestly, it probably wasn't THAT special, but it was special because it happened to us, you know?  Anyway, I've been putting off updating here because of it, but I'm realizing how quickly time is flying and how fast the babies are changing and I feel horrible for not documenting it better. 

So, here goes:

This week, my mom came to visit and help.  We were staying at her house for the first seven weeks, which was a monumental help, and I can't say enough how much that made me feel like maybe this whole thing, the whole having twins thing, was doable.  My mom is such a giving and wonderful person, and having babies--two of them at once!--just reaffirmed that for me.  I know as a mother that I would do anything for my kids, and I saw that time and again with my mom.  She was always there when I needed her; I am so lucky to have had her help, because when the girls were 4 weeks, my housband left to begin an internship in Elko, Nevada like last year, and I would've been totally alone.  So my mom and I did the bathing, feeding, changing, napping, caring, etc., for them during the week, and my housband would step in and help when he got back Thursday nights until he left Sunday afternoons.  The love and support from my mom has been so paramount to me feeling good about this HUGE life change, and feeling as though it's something I can handle, and not only that, but do well at it.  I will forever be so grateful for her for all of that. 

Anyway, during the first week or two after having my babies, I really stressed over finding housing in Elko for the summer.  If you know Elko, you'd know that the housing situation is out of control.  There is NOTHING here.  NOTHING.  The RV parks are full, the waiting lists for apartments are up to 2 years long, and everything is extremely expensive.  So, this summer, we're living in a hotel, and we came here just after they turned 7 weeks. It's not ideal, but we're making it work and it's kind of an adventure.  My mom came to stay in a nearby hotel on Sunday and has been here all week.  It's been so fun to have her here!  I feel as though I've gotten to the point that I'm sort of getting a routine down and everything isn't taking as long, like baths and getting babies dressed, etc., but it's sure nice to get a break every once in a while. 

I want to update more, but I'm kind of really tired and it's late.  So for now, here are some pictures I wanted to get up here, and in the meantime, if any of you readers are on instagram, I upload photos there from time to time and my username is @ashgammill.

New babies in the hospital.  Ruby on the right, Emmy on the left.

Snugglers.  They were SO LITTLE!  Ruby on the left, Emmy on the right.

2 months.  Emmy, left, Ruby, right.

Chubber legs.

Silly girls.  Ruby on the left, Emmy on the right.

Happy Due Date

Today is my due date! Kind of weird that we've had our girls for almost 3 weeks now. It's been a lot of fun, but also a lot of work (especially in the middle of the night). These last few nights, in particular, have been pretty bad in terms of not really sleeping. I've gotten pretty good at doing weird things in the middle of the night, as has my housband. We'll both say and do things neither can remember saying/doing the next day.

I'm just really hoping they'll sleep longer than 2 hour stretches here soon. It's bittersweet, though, because they're so cuddly and sweet, part of me wishes they'd stay this way forever.

We've gone on several walks with our dogs and I've been trying to nap when they nap, especially because they'll choose to be awake for an hour or two randomly in the middle of the night. Mostly, though, we're enjoying these little people and get a kick out of the funny faces they pull. Plus, it's kind of fun that there's a baby for each of us... But kind of less fun for me when it comes to feeding time in the middle of the night. I think I could just use a good, long stretch of sleep here soon... Ok babies?

Can you imagine if I hadn't had them yet? Seems like they've been here forever.

I'm posting from my phone, so I have no idea what order these photos will be in. BUT Emmy is in the pink, Ruby in the blue, and the one of them together, Emmy's on the left and Ruby on the right. I don't think they look completely identical, but then again, I spend all my time with them, so who knows. Happy Wednesday!

38 weeks............ Just kidding.

I almost had you, didn't I?  Well, you'd be wrong if you thought I still had two little people gestating in there.  I'd include a photo of  me today, but it's not as fun anymore, plus I haven't showered yet today.  So.

Our girls arrived on Friday the 13th, which turned out to be lucky.  Baby A, whose name is Ruby, weighed 5 lbs 7 oz; Baby B, now known as Emerson, weighed 5 lbs 2 oz.  Both were delivered happy and healthy, and they spent no time in the NICU (which I was worried about, but it never happened!).  We are feeling very blessed right now.  I'll have to write more about their arrival a little later, but it was a pretty neat experience.  I can't believe they're here or how much I love them!  I also can't believe that I had all that baby in me just 5 days ago. 

Here we all are after delivery--me and my two hooligans.

I want to post more photos, but I don't have my camera cord with me.  Soon! 

We're all doing well.  Emerson (Emmy) looks just like her daddy.  Ruby, I think, more like me.  Both have a good amount of hair, and we still don't know if they're identical or fraternal because they have the same blood type.  Maybe we'll have to find out some other way.

Oh, I just love them.

37 Weeks... and I'm still here.

This last week has been really weird.  I never expected to make it this far, to be honest... I thought my body would say ENOUGH! at 36 weeks.  Mostly because that seems to be a pretty common thing with women who carry twins.  And it also seems that in almost every way, except the ones that count (ahem, laboring and delivering), my body is kind of telling me enough.

But, here I am.

I didn't write about my doctor's appointment on Friday before now because it was sort of bizarre.  My housband wasn't able to be there with me for the ultrasound because he had a couple exams, so my mom came with me.  I had a different ultrasound tech and a different nurse than usual, and it was all around kind of weird.  My housband got there in time for the doctor's appointment, though, which was after the ultrasound, so it was a crowded little room.  And that was when my doctor told me I could go for another couple of weeks--though, if you recall, she's always said she'd induce at 37 weeks. 

I spent some time being upset over that; mostly, I don't like to be told one thing and then have it change at the last minute.  If she had told me from the start we'll shoot for 38 weeks, I would have said ok!  I guess I'm a little annoyed.  Mostly because my feet are swollen (especially the left one), I read a ton of horror stories from the hospital's website about things that can go wrong after labor and delivery over the weekend, and I am also really bored.  I've had my bags packed for probably two weeks now (though I really finished packing and getting every last thing ready on Saturday), and I'm just... waiting.  I go to work every day, but only part of the day, my stuff is all packed up and put in random places everywhere, and I'd read a book but there are very few places I want to go, one of which is the library (because inevitably I will check out a book, have babies, then forget to remember that I checked out a book and accrue fines).  Plus I like buying books more than checking them out, and we no longer really have bookstores, PLUS everybody stares everywhere I go, and guys, I'm just kinda tired.

Plus, my clothes don't really fit... even my maternity shirts are pushing it.  So.  Now after that complain-o-rama, I have to say that over the last week, I am a lot less freaked out about them coming.  Especially the birthing part.  That probably has a little to do with my friend, Whit, having her little boy in the last week.  For some reason, that's been a really big comfort to me, mostly because she wasn't due much before me... and I find myself thinking, if Whit can do it, I can do it.  Plus I'm a little jealous their little boy came before my girls.  I've been walking a bunch in the last week and thinking positive thoughts (that has to help... right?  RIGHT?), and I would honestly prefer if they'd just come on their own instead of having to be induced but if they don't come by next week, then that will be what has to happen.  Because, listen.  I have 12 pounds of babies in me right now.  And one isn't growing quite as fast as the other.  And mentally, I'm pretty spent.

I'm still pretty proud of myself for getting this far, though.  I will just not really miss the endless heartburn.  Did I tell you they both have hair?  I have no idea the actual validity of that old wives' tale, but they do, indeed, have hair... we'll see how much when they come.  Also, today was the first day I couldn't put on shoes.  At least on my left foot.  So I broke out my flip flops, which are new, by the way, because I guess I got rid of all my other ones when we moved.  Also, I will be really glad to be able to wear my wedding ring again and not worry about my belly hanging out at any given moment.  And though I might not be sleeping at night, it won't be because I tried to roll over and the contractions and/or pelvic pain woke me up.  Also, I will be able to hug my housband again.

But then again, I'll lose my cup holder/table/hand rest when they're here.  I am so SO glad everything has gone so well this long.  It's probably good they didn't come before Saturday, too, because I didn't have any newborn onesies, and I bought some on Saturday and washed them then.  And they weren't born on any of my siblings' birthdays last week, or on our anniversary, which is fantastico!  And maybe they won't spend any time in the NICU!  And we installed our car seat bases, and we decided we have no idea what we're doing!

This is all to say:  I am still doing ok.  Let's just hope they come soon, ok?  Thanks.  And now I feel guilty for complaining.  But maybe it's ok, just this once?

36 Weeks

Well, I guess hoping for your babies NOT to come on a certain day works, because they're still snug in there. Our anniversary will remain untouched! As of today, I'm 36 weeks.

And it feels as though everything's gotten much tougher in the last week.

Walking is tough, getting out of bed is tough, rolling over in bed is tough, eating is tough, and I'm getting a lot of acid reflux/heartburn... which is tough. BUT. I'm still doing alright, honestly. In the long scheme of things, this hasn't been the easiest experience, but I want these girls to be healthy and come out just the right amount of cooked. So! We'll see what my doctor says on Friday, which is my next appointment.

I spent the last week reading a book about sleep training twins, and it kind of scared the crap out of me. I often feel that way, that feeling of oh, what have I gotten myself into? I'm scared out of my mind to have them, and then scared out of my mind to be responsible for two entire people. But I just keep reminding myself that I was terrified to get married as well, and I know now what a blessing and fantastic experience that's been, so I just have to roll with the punches.  Plus, I can't really change my mind about having them now....

 

Me at 36 weeks.  I'm feeling pretty large.  Most of this pregnancy I haven't felt that big, but recently, people have begun to stare at me generally everywhere I go.  I actually don't really care that much, but the other day, I was headed into work and I could've sworn I heard two guys talking about me in their parked car, wondering why I don't tip over and laughing about it.  I told my housband later and he said, "Who was it?  I'll KILL THEM!" which made me laugh.  

We ended up going to Sizzler for dinner on our anniversary because I chose, and yes, I am 80 years old.  I chose to get salad bar and ended up compiling and eating one of the weirdest dinners known to man, full of random salads, but I got ice cream in the end, which is what I was going for anyway.  Ice cream has actually been one of few things I've craved--when I was first pregnant, we went to get Aggie ice cream almost every day for a week.  

After dinner, we bought a movie at Walmart, and while in the back of the store, I thought, I'm too tired to walk back to the front.  I guess my level of exhaustion has increased, though I feel pretty sedentary and I nap a lot in the morning since I don't go to preschool anymore.  That, and my back is starting to hurt more consistently, and my belly feels pretty darn heavy... so, I actually feel 80 years old right now.  I also sleep with three pillows under my head to combat acid reflux, one between my knees (it's actually this one, which is a giant C; I put it in between two pillows under my head and the other part between my knees), and two stacked pillows beneath my feet because my left foot, especially, is now swollen all the time.

I swear I'm making this sound worse than it actually is/has been.  I promise I'm not suffering horribly and I'm ok.  I've read some other twin mom blogs throughout my pregnancy, which scared me pretty badly about what I've had to look forward to throughout this whole experience.  But after going through it myself, I think it's more funny than anything else... though I might not be the same afterward, it can't be like this forever, right?  And the fact that my left foot swells worst after going to church is actually pretty funny to me, too.  Apparently, I'm not supposed to go to church anymore? 

SO anyway, we went to Walmart, came home, and watched our movie.  It was a low-key anniversary, but I don't mind.  Just spending time with my housband is the BEST!

And now I can focus on surviving childbirth.  Which also really scares me.  Regardless, I'll get there. 

Any day now, little ladies.....

34 weeks!

To be completely honest, I feel pretty proud of myself right now.  I'm growing two healthy little babies and I made it allllll the way to 34 weeks... which, sometimes, I worried I wouldn't (if you haven't noticed, I'm a worrier).  I'm officially much tougher than I thought!  But I still think I'm kind of a wimp, so don't hold me to that forever.

I've been doing laundry and have all my little white onesies washed and ready to go, and today I'm washing pink and purple and yellow outfits.  It's fun to fold it all and see all the tiny little socks; I can't believe that soon I'll have two girls to wear them all.  I bought two more swaddling blankets today, a kind I really wanted, and I'm so excited about it!  For a while I wondered if they would just be naked a lot because I didn't really have any clothes for them... hahah... but that will most definitely not be the case. 

We visited the doctor today and she said everything looks really good.  I could probably have them at any time, but my contractions so far haven't done anything.  I don't really want to talk about dilation, etc., on here because I think that's pretty personal, so without going into detail, as of right now, I have nothing going on in terms of actual labor.  I asked her if she'd induce me if I were to make it to 37 weeks, and she said she would out of pity.  (Ha!)  From their ultrasounds, both girls look good and both weigh over 5 lbs (but the ultrasound tech also tends to overestimate weights, so they might not be quite that big).  Every time I get a check up, my doctor comes in and says, "Well, they're still big."  So if I went 40 weeks, I might have two 7 lb babies.  She also said, "I don't know what you're doing, but they're still growing, and they're still big."  I honestly don't know what I'm doing, either.  But I promise I'm not eating fertilizer or steroids to have huge babies.  She also poked my ankles because they're swollen and kind of laughed.  I laugh at them, too, and I don't think I'll get over the swelling... for some reason, it's just really interesting to me.  But I'm glad I'm not the only one.

She also told us several funny things today about her husband and life insurance.  Sometimes I want to be best friends with her and I suppose that's a good way to feel about your doctor, right?

I'm still dying over all the tiny newborn baby clothes.

 

I promise I'm not drunk in the bottom photo, it's just what happens when you have to hurry because photobooth is taking your photo.   Also, that's not an actual basketball under my shirt.  

The good news is that I only have to make it until Tuesday.  Because I'm getting a haircut Tuesday, and I want to get that haircut.  (I still can't believe I'm 34 weeks.  I did it!  I DID IT, GUYS!)

Guess what!

I'm still pregnant!  I haven't written in a while, so I thought I'd stop by and write a quick update.

This week, I'm 33 weeks* pregnant.  I finished preschool on Friday, which was good/sad.  I was feeling pretty ready, and right now I can't do much, so I felt kind of useless.  But I will miss it, that's for sure.

The girls are doing great!  Every appointment, they pass their ultrasound check-up and biophysical profile with flying colors.  Last time I went to the doctor, they estimated that Baby A weighed 4 lbs 3 oz and Baby B weighed 4 lbs.  They're probably bigger now, as that was almost a week and a half ago.  They're still a good size, though, which is good--I'm getting huge, but that comes with having healthy babies.  My feet have been swelling a good amount each day... my left foot, in particular, swells more, but it's kind of comical to me how they look sometimes.

I'm finally realizing that soon we'll have actual babies.  I'm excited, but also pretty scared.  Because, holy cow!  Two babies!  At once!  Not having to go to preschool anymore means that I'll have a bit more time to get things ready to go for when they come, without having to save it for just after work when I'm exhausted.  Getting dressed is a chore for me right now, too, so it'll be nice to only have to worry about going to one job for a few hours a day rather than two.

Besides that, we're all doing well!  Just about ready to have two babies.... kind of scary.

I haven't done that well documenting my growing belly, but here's me last week after my baby shower at 32 weeks:

I'm pretty certain that my belly has gotten much bigger in the last week.  I'd take a picture, but I'm in my pajamas, and also?  I just don't want to today.  Haha.  Maybe another day.

Here's to some healthy babies!


*33 weeks, according to my doctor.  My whattoexpect.com emails tell me I'm 34 weeks, but it's honestly kind of confusing.  So I'm reverting to her timetable.  You can read about my confusion in this post, in the bottom paragraph.  So, 33 weeks it is.  For now.

Sometimes,

I think life moves too quickly.  Actually, most times.  Though I go through periods I don't whole-heartedly love, I often look back and think, that went by far too quickly.

I just heard the beginning strains of a song full of banjo and voices in my head, a song I listened to a lot last summer when I biked most places on my cruiser and spent my time mostly at home with my dogs, missing my husband but enjoying a good bit of solitude. I thought to myself, wow, that went by too quickly.  I remember distinctly the first time he left and drove to Nevada by himself, the first time of many, and I thought, what do I do now?  If I told you someone else besides my husband was my very best friend, I'd be lying.  I truly had no idea what to expect when we realized he'd have to go without me and commute home every weekend.  I had to figure out how to otherwise fill my time because when he's with me, I just want to spend it with him, a non-problem I've had ever since we were first together.  Though I've always enjoyed my time with myself, he's the one exception to that rule: I never tire of him.

So every weekend he came home, we'd go on bike rides and go swimming and watch one-hour episodes of Alfred Hitchcock stories and spend time with our dogs and it was just the best until Sunday afternoon came and it would physically hurt when he'd have to leave again. 

I just remembered it all so fondly--all of it in a few notes of a banjo playing through my head--though I know I probably wouldn't choose to do it again, given the choice.  But then it hit me how quickly I moved on from the summer, how he came home and we found out we'd be having a baby (and then soon realized it would be two babies) and how life is moving at this incredible pace.

Sometimes the kids at preschool cry or mope because of something we have to do, like clean up toys or take a nap or do a math assignment.  I remember feeling that way as a kid, the absolute dread of this is going to be the death of me, and feeling it would take the rest of my day.  As an adult, I've learned to embrace situations I don't love because I've learned so many times that this, too, will be gone so quickly.  Days are flying by.  Summer is over, my husband is home, and this summer, I'll have two new little people in my world.  It's sort of mind-boggling, isn't it?  Life moves on, every day isn't the same, bad things happen and we move on, good things happen and we move on to different things, completely different phases and people and life situations.

This summer, I'm going to have a baby for each arm.  I'm going to Summerfest and Nevada and the classic car cruise-in.  I'm going to go swimming (a little, hopefully).  I'm going to ride my bike (a little, hopefully).  My life is going to be completely different.  I'm ready for it.  But I'm enjoying right now, too, this last little while of us and our dogs before the babies come and everything changes.

Just so you know, this is a good song to listen to if you're cruising around on your bike.

And in our native language we are chanting ancient songs
And when we quiet down the house chants on without us.................

I just watched

Kid History on youtube.  4 episodes.  I think the laughing is going to send me into really early labor, so I had to stop. 

But now the babies are having a Cinco de Mayo celebration in there, so I guess they must be alright.

I feel as though I should be updating more often, but there are details I'd like to keep to myself (we all know you don't want to know about stretch marks--their presence or lack thereof, plus other things) so I never really know what to share.

I have an ultrasound and appointment on Friday morning at 7 a.m.  I have no idea what I was smoking when I thought I could do that, but do it I will.  Even if it kills me.  (It might.)  Then, Saturday I have a baby shower!  I'm excited! 

I've noticed that I haven't really had people/strangers touching me, but then I realized it's probably because I honestly don't go that many places/do that many things outside of work.  I guess I don't have the energy, plus it's winter, PLUS I love staying home, so all those things combined kind of make it easy for me to not get a lot of feedback from strangers.  However, even in my regular workplaces, people (and kids) are beginning to stare at my belly.  I guess it's getting big.  I don't really know because I'm around me all day, every day. 

Today, I got some maternity shirts in the mail!  It's a miracle because my clothes are not really fitting.  Even my maternity jeans are starting to hurt a bit... I told my housband just today that the girls might come out with cone heads after being squished by my maternity jean waistbands.  I wish they had maternity socks--or, socks made for pregnant women to make it easier to get them on independently.  Is that a thing?  Can we make that a thing?  I think that should be a thing.  I got these awesome boots for Christmas, but I had to retire them as of mid-January because I can no longer pull them on by myself.  So, I guess I'll look forward to wearing those next winter.

Lastly, Bert has recently decided he's tired much earlier than the rest of us.  He puts himself to bed on our bed at least an hour earlier than we get there, unless we're all downstairs watching a movie.  Then he sits on my legs and gets up and down about 45 times a minute, which is really annoying.  Anyway, several times this week I've gone into our room to discover Bert totally out on the bed.  He acts so disgruntled when I have to wake him up to get him on his own dog bed, though. 

Happiness really is a warm puppy.  A warm puppy with a home haircut.

Besides all that, I'm doing really well and I honestly can't complain too much.  Simple things are getting harder to do, but I feel quite blessed because I'm still functioning and working and able to move around pretty well.  I've been having a bunch of contractions but I'm not too worried about them at this point, mostly because I know what to watch out for to know it's the real thing.  I honestly think the worst part of being pregnant has been those bug bites (which I wrote about here).*  Tomorrow I'll be 31 weeks... not too much longer and we're going to have TWO little girlies in our house to liven things up!

Because I'm boring. 

P.S.  For Valentine's Day, we watched Breaking Dawn.  No, mom, I didn't have any seizures at the blinking lights.  Though I covered my eyes... just in case.  Also?  Who knew plain granola was so tasty?  Just wondering.  Completely unrelated.



*I never followed up about those bites, by the way.  I don't think they were flea bites or bed bugs... both the housband and I believe they were spider bites because I ended up having to go on an antibiotic--an antibiotic which smelled horrible and tasted the same, and ended up being the worst part about my Christmas and break from work because they were like the smell of Yellowstone in a tiny bottle--due to a pretty nasty infection.  I wasn't too happy about that, but they were pretty scary looking, and I sort of like my leg/skin/children/life.

Aliens

I've reached the point in this pregnancy that I can feel the girls moving around a good portion of the time.  Sometimes it feels like one or the other (or both) are caressing me from the inside, with a good foot swipe from time to time.  I can't really say that it hurts; it's more just strange.  Even their kicks are pretty tame.  Either that, or I'm just really tough.  (I'm going to go ahead and say they're tame, because I'm pretty sure I'm not that tough.)  Their movements kind of make me feel a little like there's an alien invasion in my belly, especially when they're both moving a lot.  I'm just hoping they'll be a bit cuter than aliens, but if not, I think I'll love them anyway.

I only get uncomfortable when one, presumably baby B, gets up in my ribs and makes it difficult for me to breathe well.  They seem to be happy little people though, and I like knowing they're in there and doing well.  Lately I've been remembering what it was like to be un-pregnant, and I'm kind of excited to be back there, though I know it will be much different post-babies.  It's just that I'd like to be able to put on my pants and socks in the morning with a lower level of difficulty--which has been an issue for me since probably mid-December, though the situation is slowly becoming more and more grave as time goes on.  On the other hand, I am actually quite scared to have them out because then that means I have to completely care for them, and what if I have no idea what I'm doing with them, ever?  So, there's that.

But anyway, back to the aliens thing.  I think it's odd that nobody else can see my belly moving.  I can, but I also know when they're moving around a lot because I feel it.  I'm just waiting for the day one of my preschoolers points to my belly and/or stares because they can see all the parts poking out and moving around.  Granted, it's not that drastic (yet?), and I have no idea why, but the idea embarrasses me for some reason.  I guess I'm just a private person, and the fact that the babies, who are INSIDE me, will be visible to any person on the street?  I'm not quite sure.  My housband has yet to see my belly move, though he's been feeling them since around Christmas time.

Here's what I looked like last Wednesday, almost 28 weeks.

I don't feel as though I'm TOO huge yet, but my clothes kind of speak otherwise (as you can see from the bottom of this shirt).  I got rid of a bunch of clothes when we moved, and now I'm realizing my closet is kind of sad.  But keeping the old stuff wasn't helping, so soon I think I will buy a couple maternity shirts (ha! says the woman gestating twins).  Also, I took the photo in that bathroom on purpose, because this was when I walked through our apartment for the last time by myself.  I've taken a lot of photos in here, like when I cut all my hair off, when I got my dress for my brother's wedding in the fall, and several other times, so I thought it only fitting.

I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday with an ultrasound, and I am pretty excited.  I like seeing how they're growing and progressing.  I think I forgot to mention that they're both in the 60th percentile for size, so they're nice and big.  Meaning I am going to become NICE AND BIG.  Oh well, as long as they're healthy, I can get however huge I need to get for them.

2012! 2012!

It's a new year, and we have a lot of things going on for us.  Like approximately one baby in my lungs (it's an odd feeling).

I've decided that this year, my goal is to be more positive.  If you know me really well, you know I don't react all that well to change.  The funny thing is, my life will change more this year than probably any other, and change will probably become my middle name.

First things first:  moving out of our apartment, and into my in-laws house.  I am actually really relieved this is happening--sad, because I always feel sort of sad and nostalgic when we move.  So much good has come to us while living at our place, but it's time, and our circumstances will just be made so much easier with this change.  So move we will!

And then we will have two new members of our family in the spring.  I am really SO EXCITED.  Totally and completely terrified as well, but it's exciting to think this is really happening and I'm not dreaming. 

Yesterday, we had a doctor visit and I had to do the glucose drink for gestational diabetes test.  One thing I've learned so far while being pregnant is this:  nothing is as bad as most people make it out to be.  Exclamation point!  I was really dreading it.  To be honest, it wasn't bad, everything went well, and our girls are looking so good.  One bonus of having twins is that I've had an ultrasound at every appointment, and we've gotten to see them grow, which is nice--I'm a visual person (and a heavy worrier), so the confirmation that they're really in there is good for me.  Yesterday, baby A was kicking baby B while she was napping, so I'm hoping that means we'll have at least one mellow child.  It was a little funny to watch those legs go nuts, and all the while, the other one just didn't care too much. All along, I've thought baby B was the mover and shaker but I think it's the other way around; I guess I can't feel baby A as much because she's so low?  I'm not sure.

I love my doctor.  She makes me feel so calm.  I told her I thought I was having contractions/Braxton Hicks last Saturday night in the middle of the night, and she said she was glad (!!) because that means I can feel contractions, I'll know what they'll feel like, and it's normal to have them around this stage, as long as they don't get worse/more frequent, etc.  Which is great, because I was really freaking out on Saturday night... until I fell asleep again--whoops.  Ha!  (Right now, I'm 24 weeks, will be 25 on Thursday, hence why I was freaking out.  Didn't know you can get those well before the time your baby's supposed to come.)

I'm not sleeping as well at night, but I go to bed early enough that it's not too bad.  Honestly, I really thought being pregnant with twins was going to be a battlefield nightmare.  I am here to tell you that it hasn't been so, and I have been SO blessed to be able to work and continue on with life as (mostly) normal while my housband can keep going to school.  And guess WHAT!  This is his last year of undergraduate education, so who knows where we'll be come December.  It's exciting and scary.  I am just really happy with where we're at right now, because I know things could be so different for us.  Things have a strange and silly way of working themselves out, even if it's not what I really had in mind at all.

So this year, I really want to work on complaining less, working hard to be a better person, and have a positive outlook.  I really value people who tell me positive things about pregnancy/life/marriage/change/whatever, and I want to be that for other people.

But I do have to say that I am pretty disappointed that I burnt more than half the cupcakes I made last night.  Apparently I can't read directions anymore, and with that, let me say that my brain has officially become even less accommodating of common sense than it was before being pregnant, so there's that.  A fun adjustment!

Life is good!  2012 will not be the year of the beast!  In fact, I am going to go erase that chalkboard now! (You can read about 2011 and its self-fulfilling prophecy here.)  I don't know why I haven't already erased it! 2012!  The best year ever!

A bunch of GIRLS!

And in a surprising turn of events, we have discovered that I am housing two females in my womb.

So, girls it is, I suppose!  We still don't know if they're identical or fraternal.  I will keep you posted.

Coming soon to a theater near you...

My twin children.  Due in May.  Will probably come in April (but who knows?!).

To tell you the truth, this photo is a little old--from the beginning of October, actually.

Here are a couple updated ones.

This is baby A (on the right, he's* upside down).  He'll probably come first, since he's lower, the same one which was on the bottom in the previous photo.  You can see a little of baby B on the left there, but we didn't get any good ones with both in the same shot this last time.  *And yes, we think this one's a he.  Not 100% sure, but we think this one at least is a boy.

This is baby B.  We're not sure if this one is a boy or girl; the doctor said she thought it looked like a girl, but then changed her mind to boy.  I love this one's little hand by his/her face... looks like a little white dot, but that's a hand.  Sorry about the quality--I do have a scanner, but it's not even on the same floor of my apartment as my computer right now, so this is what you get.

The official ultrasound to find out genders is on December 12th.  We think it would be kind of fun to have one of each, but two boys (or girls) would be fantastico, too!

Best part of having twins:  ultrasounds at every doctor visit.

Worst part:  I'm pretty sure I'm going to be huge.  (But I will do it anyway.  Because I already love them.) (Side note:  I used to think, growing up, that when I got the chance to be pregnant with a child, I'd just eat a ton of cake and use it as an excuse to get REALLY FAT and eat whenever/whatever/however I wanted.  And then recently I realized all the horrors of what's wrong with that plan.)

Also, we are keeping our dogs, I don't know if I'll be working after they're born, we sold our other car and bought the subaru to accommodate all the BABIES coming up in our lives, and no, we weren't planning on twins.  (I didn't know you could "plan" on twins?)  If asked, my housband likes to say, "we were planning on the first one.  The second was just a bonus." 

I'm not offended by questions, I just get asked a lot of the same ones. 

We're excited.  Super-duper excited, you might say.